Quote:
|
Originally Posted by hobojesus
1 - Turn left cause I can't turn right
2 - throw back kisses and run from fights
3 - Not fond of day and scared of night
4 - hard of hearing and short of sight
5 - Brain of flames and heart of gold
6 - shouting off but then I fold
7 - beautiful girl I cannot hold
8- Pacts with the Devil my soul is sold
Numbered for easy reference!
|
I agree with Jibber on the expanding each theme out into a whole verse (I might even suggest making individual songs on each subject, but maybe some other time). One other problem I have with this lyric is that the subject (the 'I') of the song seems to change through the song. Going from what you've already said, in line 7 it must be your dad, but in line 8, it becomes you. This makes line 1 confusing, because I don't know if its about you or your dad. Lines 2, 3 and 4 I have to assume are about the same person as line 1. Line 5 is about your dad (because you told us) and line 6 I can't be sure about either. As you can see, it makes it confusing to other people to read/hear. Without your explanation before, I'd assume that all of the lines are about you and not your dad, which kind of defeats the message your trying to convey. If you can make it clearer who you're singing about at each point it would help (just putting some I, me, he, his, my etc. in suitable places may do the trick).
If you're trying to mix up the people within the song for some poetic reason then I'd suggest you don't (!) if you want to play the song to anybody who doesn't already know everything about your father and you, as it clouds the message too much and listeners won't understand at all.