Thanks everyone, your sympathy is very much appreciated.
Exo, yeah it is odd but consider it this way: they took her in yesterday, confirmed she was blind and could likely have or get a blood clot. I was advised that I could decide to take her home after the tests (few days) and then within about a month it was possible - though really not likely - that some sight might return to maybe one or both eyes, but if not, my vet told me some cats cope with being blind very well. Trouble is then there's another cat in the house, and one thing cats aren't is sympathetic or supportive: they smell weakness and they go in for the kill, so to speak.
So I was going - well, I should say we were going to have to make a decision at some point. Take her home after the tests, see how she got on, decide if her quality of life was going to be good enough/if I could cope. Cos let's be honest: looking after Karen AND a blind cat is a lot to try to take on. The chances are that I was leaning towards the bad option in the event her sight didn't return.
When I went down to sign the papers today they explained that she was actually quite sick (had lost a kilo in about a month or two) and that she would have died anyway even had I not brought her in. It was simply a done deal at that point. I'm sort of sad she didn't have the chance to die at home, but then, how traumatic would it have been, discovering her body and having to transport it down to the vet? So maybe it was best the way it happened. Horrible shock though. Didn't expect that.
Mind you, I almost did expect it. On Saturday I think it was I went to wake her up to temporarily move her off Karen's bed so that I could sort Karen for the night, and normally Millie once touched jumps - sorry, jumped: so hard to get used to thinking of her in the past tense
- up when she's asleep, but this time she didn't, and I had to pet and encourage her for about three or four seconds before she woke up, to the point where I feared she had already died. At that time, I was almost prepared to come down the next morning and find her dead. But when I didn't, maybe I hoped too much, I don't know.
It was heartbreaking to see her today, cold and lifeless, but I brought her stuffed turtle which she always used to sleep on, and loved to pad, to ensure it goes to the cremation with her. I like to think - silly though it probably is - that she will have it with her in the kitty afterlife and won't be looking for it.
Tears abounded at home (and, if I'm honest, in the vet's from me) and we're both terribly upset of course. The worst is almost over: now comes the heart-wrenching removal of her bowl, tray, anything she used or that was hers. That's going to be tough.
It will be, basically, the sh
ittiest Christmas I've had since 2017 when both Ritchie and my Auntie Eileen passed away.