Quote:
Originally Posted by OccultHawk
I just wanted to be invited and refuse, tbh.
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Years ago I decided I wasn't going to be the abrasive weirdo who people thought was funny but didn't actually want to include in their social get-togethers, so I toned myself down and got a new job. For the most part I still got blown off when I tried to hang out with other people and when I did find a new group of friends I never felt comfortable around them because I was acting like some bland facsimile of myself who was just awkward as ever but just quieter. When you make friends acting a certain way you can't really say, "Hey, I know you kinda sorta liked me one way but now I'm gonna be different and you're just gonna have to deal with it." By the end I didn't even like any of them anymore.
I'm kinda happy I went through that cause I don't feel quite so lonely as before because now I know what the alternative is, so I'm just gonna be a ****ing abrasive weirdo and if that means I spend my nights at home then at least I'll be able to recognize myself in the mirror and won't be boring the hell out of myself as I sit quietly in a corner with people I don't even connect with.