So basically you ARE a nihilist that doesn't refer to himself as a nihilist based on a stereotypical misunderstanding of nihilism.
You admit life has no objective higher meaning, but life still has meaning to you that you still recognize as subjective. That doesn't make you less of a nihilist. That's how many nihilists are.
It's not rooted in pessimism because you're assuming that life having meaning is a positive when many many people relish in the idea of life having no inherent meaning.
I personally dislike the term 'existential nihilism' because nihilism in it's self is existential. Tacking the 'existential' at the beginning is a self indulgent appeal to superficial ideas of intelligence.
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Lucem, you're right, it's silly to talk about what I would or wouldn't do IRL. Glad you brought it up. Maybe you should write an instrumental about it. I recommend a piano paired with a clarinet. With ambient sounds of you hanging from your shower curtain you ****ing failure.
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Art Is Dead. Buy My ****.
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