I get just under $800 a month from my disability payments. Sometimes I do some side work for friends or family and get about a thousand a month, but I have to balance that carefully with my health. It sucks being seen as "lazy" when people can't see the havoc a "regular job" wreaks on my brain and body.
Today I did some work for a friend, changing prices and products at a dollar store. I've spent the summer going back and forth to my dad's place as well, to take care of his house while he's been away. A few days here, a few days there, sometimes a week or two, all for $20 a day.
Today is the second day I've been sick, mostly because of stress. Last night a friend picked me up, and drove us across town for a social event at another friend's house. We arrived, and I immediately had to use the facilities because my sickness came so abruptly. I then had to leave, because all the supplies for my disability that makes dealing with being sick even barely manageable were at my apartment.
The worst part was being sick and embarrassed and frustrated in front of the woman I have a crush on, though I recognize she probably doesn't think anything of it. Even so, I am really tired of this constant war between my spirit, mind, and body. Something has got to give, and I'll be damned if I'm going to roll over and play dead just because my body and my brain want to **** with me.
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“I doubt sometimes whether a quiet and unagitated life would have suited me - yet I sometimes long for it.” George Byron
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