"No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred. No person or entity associated with this screen play received payment or anything of value, or entered into any agreement, in connection with the depiction of tobacco products. No animals were harmed in the making of this screen play."
backstory
Members of a music forum join up and form a gang. To hide their identities they dress up as old ladies. They don't carry weapons like firearms, kitchen knives etc. They only carry empty handbags which are used to fill with CDs whenever they go out on a shoplifting spree. Dressing up as as old ladies has become a permanent fixture as to elude themselves from the authorities. The main core of the old maid posse is Del Boca Vista, Heartfull of Troll, Leather Sole, Michael Steele, and Lick My Decals Off. They make up the core of this senior delinquent gang. They occasionally run into other forum members, both past and present. The gang is pared down to four when Leather Sole becomes disenchanted with the others.
interior, coffee shoppe, downtown business district
Heartfull of Troll: "I can't stand these high heels, and I certainly don't like these black pantyhose."
Leather Sole: "Why? Do they make you legs look more black?"
SonnyThome: "You subliminal racist you!"
Leather Sole: "Well, I never. How dare you talk to me like that! I will not tolerate it any longer. I am leaving this gang of ingratiating grannies. You won't see the likes of me no more. I've had it. I tell you
I've ... had ... it. No wait, I might make up my mind over this weekend. No, wait. I think I certainly made up my mind right this second. Almost ... maybe. No, I am quite sure I've had it.
Adios putas abuelas."
Lick My Decals Off: "No, wait come back. I was going to order you an espresso."
exterior, sidewalk, downtown business district
Del Boca Vista: "I don't know if it's wearing a black dress in the summer but I am certainly getting hot."
Lick My Decals Off: "Well it's certainty not a dry heat. Oh, it's the humidity, yeah it just makes things worse."
Del Boca Vista: "It's probably who I am thinking of getting me hot. I might be an old lady well past my prime, but Robert Plant gets me all hot and bothered. You know what I mean?"
Lick My Decals Off: "Do I have to remind you? You're not an old lady. It's just a disguise."
Del Boca Vista: "I feel like I'm a method actor. I am living the part. Fantasizing about Robert Plant makes me a better grannie."
Lick My Decals Off: "So how in the world is that possible?"
Del Boca Vista: "There you go again. How dare you go after me like that. If Robert Plant get's me purring then he get's me you know he get's me *giggles* ... and who are you to tell me what gets me going?"
Heartfull of Troll *rollseyes* and mumbles: "Seems like Lick My Decals Off gets you going every time."
Lick My Decals Off: "Huh, you said something? I'm totally out of it, it's this heat."
Pat Say Jack: "Oh yeah This Heat. They are a great band. Love them, one of the greatest bands ever since Velvet Underground!"
Lick My Decals Off: "Yeah, I'll be six feet underground if I don't get water. Damn this this heat and humidity!"
Del Boca Vista: "I know I would certainly like to
water Robert's plants."
Michael Steele: "Oh look it is that some Goth in an overcoat?"
Del Boca Vista: "No, I think it is a Russian spy!? I am going to take him out!"
Scenes ends with montage with grannies reeking havoc on unsuspected passersby.
background music:Hair of the Dog.