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Old 05-08-2018, 01:13 PM   #653 (permalink)
Trollheart
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Stowaways

This was the first I read, simply because it was the first file in the list. Obviously I'll leave the novel till last.

First thoughts: you should give up writing and never pick up a pen or mouse again, otherwise I may never have a chance to become a writer myself.

Seriously: great stuff. I love that "everyman" sort of story, where events are set in the real world, the kind of thing that could happen to you. The pacing is really good on it, and the characters are well drawn. I like the kind of no-explanation ending, though to be perfectly honest I was a little let down with the final lines: just felt wrong to me, left me feeling a little cheated. But that's just me of course.

I was initially surprised to see that this short story read as 56 pages on Google Docs, but then I saw you use double-spacing, which I don't, and so in essence your story would be about the same length as my own (around the 70,000 character mark, right?) - short stories, huh?

I think the only even slightly negative things I have to say are as above about the ending and also the title. I mean, when you know what they are, sure, it works, but I can't see why they were called this by the staff when they thought they were just vagrants. Other than that, pretty much top marks. Well written, well paced, nice bit of acerbic humour and good exposition. I'd give it a 9/10 personally.
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