[Removed]
I've decided to write a chapter about Chula's
[Removed. Watch it, Ori]. Hopefully, I won't get into too much trouble. I mean, they're technically not even together anymore, so the topic should be fair game, right? 'Cause let's be honest, we all know that his
[Removed. For ****s sake] and he were just
[Removed] and obviously
[Removed]. How they even lasted so long, I'll never know.
Anyway, the chapter starts with...
Oh, come on! What the fuc
k, mods? Can't I just make a few harmless little jokes about his
[Removed. And no, you can't]?
Why not?
[Because it's a sensitive topic for him. Just let it go]
Really? I mean, I knew he was getting touchy lately, and I thought it might upset him a bit, but I didn't realize that it was still such a sensitive issue for him.
[Yeah, well, it is. So drop it]
Huh. Okay. Fine. I just think it's kinda weird that he'd still be sore about it, even though they split, like, twenty years ago, or whatever.
[I know. But just bear with me, and... wait, what? Twenty years ago? I thought he and his wife broke up not too long ago]
Huh? His wife? What do you mean?
[What do you mean? Isn't she who you were poking fun at?]
What? No. I wasn't talking about her. I was talking about his
band.
[Oooooh. His band. Ha.]
God damn it, Frown. Don't you even bother to look at what you censor?
[No, I don't. And I'm not Frown]
Oh. Sorry. What with the sloppy modding and all, I just kinda assumed...
[I understand. And about his band, yeah, the '70s really didn't need another awful Zep tribute. The real Zeppelin were bad enough all on their own]
Woah. You're actually intelligent enough to treat band names as plurals? I guess you really
aren't Frown.
[Of course I'm not. As if he would ever put this much effort into anything other than wrapping guitar strings around his balls and slapping them on bongos]
You're not wrong. So, uh... does that mean that I can keep making fun of Chula?
[No]
Oh. Well, f
uck. I'm not smart enough to write comedy without resorting to cheap shots.
[Then don't]
This is MusicBanter. What the fu
ck else is there to do here other than bump egos?
[Hm. I don't know. Maybe you could try talking about music for a change? How about that?]
Ew. Nerd.
[Suit yourself. Just lay off the personal shot from now on, alright?]
Sure. Whatever.
Anyway, I should probably get started on the actual chapter.
The Batlord's Silly Penis Experiment
The Scene: The Batlord's basemential abode, wherein he doth play poker with his local Frownland.
Smiling triumphantly, The Batlord slaps down his hand of cards on the table.
The Batlord: Three of a kind, bitch. Looks like you lose.
Frownland: Yes. Well...
Lowering his hands to his lap, obscuring them from Batlord's vision using the table between them, Frownland closes his eyes and begins grunting with exertion. Before long, he has printed a new ace card out of his penis, and swapped it into his cards using both sleight of hand and sleight of genitals. Frownland shows The Batlord his hand.
Frownland: It would seem that you have lost, my friend.
The Batlord, with narrowed eyes, lifts a finger palsied by the judicious consumption of Steel Reserve, and points at one of the ace cards. The suit of the card in question is an ornate F writ in each corner, and at the center is a picture of an eyeless woman putting on glasses.
The Batlord: The fu
ck is that supposed to be?
Frownland: Why, an ace, my good man. The Ace of Frown.
The Batlord: Like fu
ck it is, you cheating son of a bit
ch!
Frownland: Maybe I am. Maybe I am't. What means have you to contest me?
The Batlord: Bitch, cosmic powers or not, I will stick a silly straw up your cock and suck all of the c
um out of your balls, just so I can spit it all back in your face!
Frownland stares at The Batlord in silence for some time. Without speaking a word, he removes a silly straw from his pocket, and holds it up.
The Batlord, eyes widening: Hey. Wait. No. I was just-
The rest need not be said.
To this day, some say that he is still sucking. For the seed of the Frown, like all things that hath no beginning, hath no end.