Quote:
Originally Posted by rubber soul
Well, it's certainly a bit jumbled. I'm not sure if this is some boy's imagination or a really bad Twilight Zone episode. I guess since the Prince and friends are in a magical Dodge Charger, I'm assuming you're going with a fantasy story. I think if you tighten things up and make it in a way the reader can keep up with the changes (easier said than done, I know) you may have a good story. The imagination is great; the bizarreness of it all is something I might come up with. It's a bit Pythonesque in a way. Anyway, the concept is good but you need to work on the delivery a little. Also, we don't really know the plot of the story. You said this is an except so you may have that revelation somewhere else. Anyhow, keep working at it.  |
Like I said, I just threw it together almost immediately after having the idea, and yes, it gives you the feeling of being thrown into a movie theatre halfway through the movie, but as I pointed out it is an excerpt, and later you'll find out who they all were, why they were there, and, perhaps strangest of all, why teddy bears make good getaway drivers. Well, maybe not the last bit.
Next proper story coming up soon.