Do you even vaporwave bro? About what I expected though, thanks for listening. Oh, and if you were wondering.
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Originally Posted by MicShazam
(1) Yuck! A bunch of disgusting noises cut up to sound... more
interesting? I guess that's the idea. Maybe it is of incredible
thematic relevance that this piece introduces the album, but
then why is the second track (2) also just a short soundbit?
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The tracks are in order from shortest to longest, and all of them except for the closer (which was a bandcamp bonus track) were done on the Keezy drumpad app, hence the repetitiveness/loop element. Source for 1 is my own mouth and source for 2 is my friend's wife stumbling while playing guitar.
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(3) A mechanical horse stampede with puny gun noises. I think.
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That's my dog running around on a hardwood floor with the TV on in the background.
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(4) Those faucets need some oil and that guy needs an asthma
inhalator.
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All clarinet.
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(5) Rambling cartoon character stuck in a loop. Or in a centrifuge
full of bees.
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Simpsons commercial (I'm surprised this didn't keep it from being distributed on Spotify tbh).
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(6) That almost feels like a melody. Erh... sort of. Too long goes by without much change in dynamics.
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Adult swim commercial.
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(7) Unsettling? Perhaps, but at least it isn't as frantic as
the other tracks. But 2:22 tho? Get on with it!
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Alvin Lucier's I Am Sitting in a Room
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(8) A ringing noise, electric buzzing, crunching noises. I don't know how to review stuff like this. I'm decribing what I hear.
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Washing machine, mouth noises, and a chair being dragged.
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(9) Frankly? Just start the album here. This one is actually sort of interesting. Some low key guitar plucking fed through
a lot of filters or ... whatever it is. The point is that it resembles actual music to my ears. Very random, but I can dig it.
There's even a nice little change after the 2:03 mark.
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Why thank you. That's myself on guitar, with each sample recorded right after the pluck, which gives that odd humming element.
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(10) Sounds like Justin Bieber?? Oh wait, it's a Spotify commercial.
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Their targeting sucks.
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(10 (for real)) "Tube Sealant and Duct Tape All Over the Chair. Explain Yourself".
I'll have 50 minutes of this for my next sci-fi horror game, please.
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Again, myself on guitar being sampled.
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(11) Actual music! What I'm picturing is two Lebanese men playing guitar. One is jamming it out, free jazz style, but
with a very ethnic melodic feel to it. The other guitarist is just tripping balls, hammering his fist against the guitar
repeatedly. Pretty good.
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Still using the sample pad here with myself on guitar. These ones are longer than usual. If you like that style you might actually enjoy the other two albums in the Jesus Tells Everyone How He Feels About Them Series, Jesus Loves You and Jesus Loves You Again.
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(12) Sounds like the next part of the album is under construction.
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The sound of crutches being stroked.
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(13) Rawwwwrrrr! Rawk guitar! This is gonna be some epic doom metal! Not really though. The band never showed up.
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Made with the intention of being a Noosefiller track, but I decided to keep it because of the Keezy element.
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(14) Acoustic guitar. Yet again, pretty improvised, but nice vibe all the same. Some moments suffer a bit from not being
properly composed, other moments hit something special. I guess that's the nature of improvisation.
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I forget how I did this one, I could have made this in the studio or with the app...
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(15) The C64 apocalypse is upon us. I'll file this under "endurance test". Later in the track, a freight train zooms by
the recording equipment at about 2 cm distance. My ears really appreciated that.
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Heavily inspired by Metal Machine Music.
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(16) What a cock tease! For a moment, I thought we were getting a weird acid-country song. Some interesting noises result
from some distorted noodling and pitch bending on an electric guitar, but 9:45???
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A bit of a return to form for me, saying that maybe Jesus is sure about you guys again. Meant as a gift for those who downloaded the album.
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 / 10
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=3/10?