Quote:
I was determined to live/
Paid the price and I died/
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Good start.
seems to say the same thing = maybe "find" ascension?
Quote:
kill the young/
because they are looking for the old/
designed to breathe/
but it is too cold/
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Awkward. Who's desgined to breath? (Aren't we all?)
but it's too cold = feels like a forced rhyme
Again, I'm confused as to the meaning of your song (hey, I try to be vague too) but if I had to hazard a guess I'd say abortion or maybe not being ready to be a father for a child. The designed to breath part might make more sense if we knew it was an infant, but in the chorus that's not clear. But if that were true then the line "can they not see / we are not ready for devotion" would be just plain silly.