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Originally Posted by Crashing Sun
I liked the other one better. This one seems clunkier. Could I have been wrong about you doing better?
I thought these two lines were a good try but they feel a bit awkward to me. Smile like a diamond but your heart is twice as hard = sounds like a forced comparison. Then stabbed me with what? Shards of my illusions or shards of diamond? Just a little anti-flowish if I can make up my own word.
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I think your right about the clunkiness - I was going for a lyric with a lot of detachment between each of the lines, as the tune starts high and falls for each individual line. That's only in the verse though, I'm not going for that effect in the chorus! Looks like I've got some thinking to do on that one...