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Old 02-03-2006, 09:32 AM   #2 (permalink)
Crashing Sun
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Out of the Frying Pan
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I liked the other one better. This one seems clunkier. Could I have been wrong about you doing better?

Quote:
Though your smiles shine like diamond
Your heart is twice as hard
You shattered my illusions
Then stabbed me with the shards
I thought these two lines were a good try but they feel a bit awkward to me. Smile like a diamond but your heart is twice as hard = sounds like a forced comparison. Then stabbed me with what? Shards of my illusions or shards of diamond? Just a little anti-flowish if I can make up my own word.
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