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Key · 04-28-2017, 10:49 AM

Life [Part Whatever]

I wake up almost every morning thinking in the back of my head that I'm not enough, that I haven't done enough, that I haven't said enough. I wake up with this feeling in my soul eating at me, telling me I'm not the "good enough" that the universe has set out for me. But that is where I believe the problem lies. Everybody wants you to believe that the universe has a set plan for you, and everyone that steps over the boundaries provided, you're crazy and belong in some mental institution. I personally know a few things are for certain, given that I've experienced them myself, however I do not that there are a lot of uncertainties. Anyway, here are a few:

This Connection I Spoke Of Before: What do I mean by this? It's fairly obvious to those that have felt this. In this world we're being played like chess pieces, moving in certain ways in order for us to get to that final goal. However, there are times when a wrong move is made, or in this particular case a right move was made, and two pieces on the chess board form a connection that isn't seen by everybody but those two people. These pieces we speak of are our "soul siblings" in the way that everything feels perfect and at ease, and even time seizes to exist. Sure, some people would consider this along the same concept as soul mates, or people who are meant to find each other. I certainly agree with that, but at the same time, the terms are so loosely thrown around now that anyone that thinks they're feeling what you're supposed to feel in that connection, get misdirected, and miss the opportunity of a lifetime to potentially get into contact with whom you are really meant to get into contact with. The reason I say this is because for perhaps one of the very very few times in my life, perhaps even the first time in my life, I've been given the gift of feeling this connection, and strengthening it practically over night. I can only describe it as a connection that cannot be broken. A bond that cannot be altered. A friendship that means more than the term itself. There's something truly special about it and although not all is clear, I do know that the connection exists.
That Feeling of Being Inadequate: We all feel it. We all have those moments where we feel like we're not good enough. Now mix that with someone that suffers from a really painful amount of depression and anxiety, and you've come to know what 90% of me really is. I can't remember the last time I got home from work and didn't instantly shower and get into bed. It could be 3pm, 8pm, 10am, whatever. My motivation tends to just leave itself wherever it was last found, resulting in me doing absolutely nothing. I had a really bad case of this a few nights ago. Felt as though someone was tugging at the inside of myself and attempting to break everything. It hurt to the point where the only thing keeping me going is that connection we discussed earlier. That should tell you the power of it all. Though of course this didn't keep me from hiding under my covers and forgetting the world exists. Hell, that's a normal happening for me.

Well, it's not as much as I was expecting to write about, mostly because I just wanted to give an update on how life is going. I guess you could say that life isn't going terrible. Though part of me never wants to leave behind the bad. Don't worry though, I'm enjoying the good as much as I humanly possibly can. Mostly because that good is set in stone to stay here forever. Nothing can break it. Nothing can destroy it. It's strong enough to withstand a nuclear explosion.

04-28-2017, 10:49 AM	#192 (permalink)
Key . Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 13,153	Life [Part Whatever] I wake up almost every morning thinking in the back of my head that I'm not enough, that I haven't done enough, that I haven't said enough. I wake up with this feeling in my soul eating at me, telling me I'm not the "good enough" that the universe has set out for me. But that is where I believe the problem lies. Everybody wants you to believe that the universe has a set plan for you, and everyone that steps over the boundaries provided, you're crazy and belong in some mental institution. I personally know a few things are for certain, given that I've experienced them myself, however I do not that there are a lot of uncertainties. Anyway, here are a few: This Connection I Spoke Of Before: What do I mean by this? It's fairly obvious to those that have felt this. In this world we're being played like chess pieces, moving in certain ways in order for us to get to that final goal. However, there are times when a wrong move is made, or in this particular case a right move was made, and two pieces on the chess board form a connection that isn't seen by everybody but those two people. These pieces we speak of are our "soul siblings" in the way that everything feels perfect and at ease, and even time seizes to exist. Sure, some people would consider this along the same concept as soul mates, or people who are meant to find each other. I certainly agree with that, but at the same time, the terms are so loosely thrown around now that anyone that thinks they're feeling what you're supposed to feel in that connection, get misdirected, and miss the opportunity of a lifetime to potentially get into contact with whom you are really meant to get into contact with. The reason I say this is because for perhaps one of the very very few times in my life, perhaps even the first time in my life, I've been given the gift of feeling this connection, and strengthening it practically over night. I can only describe it as a connection that cannot be broken. A bond that cannot be altered. A friendship that means more than the term itself. There's something truly special about it and although not all is clear, I do know that the connection exists. That Feeling of Being Inadequate: We all feel it. We all have those moments where we feel like we're not good enough. Now mix that with someone that suffers from a really painful amount of depression and anxiety, and you've come to know what 90% of me really is. I can't remember the last time I got home from work and didn't instantly shower and get into bed. It could be 3pm, 8pm, 10am, whatever. My motivation tends to just leave itself wherever it was last found, resulting in me doing absolutely nothing. I had a really bad case of this a few nights ago. Felt as though someone was tugging at the inside of myself and attempting to break everything. It hurt to the point where the only thing keeping me going is that connection we discussed earlier. That should tell you the power of it all. Though of course this didn't keep me from hiding under my covers and forgetting the world exists. Hell, that's a normal happening for me. Well, it's not as much as I was expecting to write about, mostly because I just wanted to give an update on how life is going. I guess you could say that life isn't going terrible. Though part of me never wants to leave behind the bad. Don't worry though, I'm enjoying the good as much as I humanly possibly can. Mostly because that good is set in stone to stay here forever. Nothing can break it. Nothing can destroy it. It's strong enough to withstand a nuclear explosion.