“Two-Faced Terror, Part III”
First print date: July 12 1978
Prog appearance: Starlord Issue 14
Writer(s): John Wagner
Artist(s): Carlos Ezquerra
Total episodes: 4
Staggering through the desert with Johnny in his arms (quite what happened to their bikes I don't know, but Wulf is definitely walking: you'd think it would have been easier to have loaded Johnny onto one of the bikes even if he had to leave the other one behind. Perhaps they were destroyed in the explosion earlier) the big Viking comes across a travelling circus, wherein he is able to seek help for his friend. The mysterious Madam Desire takes over, using foul-smelling ointments and salves on the bounty hunter, who lies close to death. Under her ministrations Johnny recovers and is soon well enough to be having his fortune told by the strange gypsy woman, who turns out to be not a woman at all, but a Gronk! And not any Gronk: he is the brother to the one whose skin Wulf wears.
As his strength comes back, so too does Johnny's desire for revenge. He will not be leaving this planet until he has taken care of the man who almost killed him, and when Wulf points out that Billy Joe has a virtual army at his command, Alpha merely observes that they will have to draw the big mutant away to where they can deal with him on their terms. He approaches the owner of the circus, J.J. Jubal, who he has seen is already a longtime expert with the las-whip, which he uses to train his aliens, and asks him if he can teach him to use the weapon? Jubal admits that from the wounds he saw on Johnny, this Billy Joe must be a real expert with the las-whip but he will give Johnny the benefit of his own expertise.
Under the ringmaster's tutelage, Johnny becomes proficient – and deadly - with the las-whip. The circus then posts advertisements, challenging all comers to beat “the greatest las-whip man on the planet” and offering ten thousand credits to any man who can beat him. Of course, both his arrogant pride and the fury of realising that Alpha yet lives draw the mutant to the circus, and the two meet. Deciding to dispense with the paltry sum of money, Billy Joe wishes to fight to the death, which is fine by Alpha: he never had any intention of letting the criminal mutant live anyway, after the beating he took at Billy Joe's hands.
Quotes
Alien: “Hi buddy!.”
Wulf: “Always villing to greet a friendly alien!”
Alien (grabbing Wulf): “Ah! Dinner!”
Jubal (stepping in with the las-whip): “No, young fella! Never shake hands with a Smiling Chukwalla!”
Gronk: “P-Please don't hurt me, Sirs! I -I has to pretends! Nobody believes a gronk can tell fortunes anyway, and people find us so disgusting...”
Wulf: “Vulf does not find you disgusting. Vulf haf friend who vas Gronl. See! Vulf wear his skin!”
Gronk: “That's not just any gronk you're wearings. That is my brother. It's my brother Gloppus!”
Wulf: “Your brozzer!”
Gronk: “You must have been very good friends, Mr. Wulf, if he asked you to wear his skin.”
Wulf: “Soon you be vell enough to leave this planet, eh Johnny?”
Johnny: “I'm not leaving, Wulf. I've got a score to settle with Billy Joe.”
Wulf: “Der laser man? But Johnny, he haf hundreds of soldiers to protect him!”
Johnny: “Then we'll just have to lure Billy Joe away from them.”
Johnny: “You throw that laser whip real well, Jubal. Reckon you can teach me to handle it well enough to beat Billy Joe?”
Jabal: “The one who did that to you is one heck of a laser man, son. I can teach you, but I can't guarantee you'll beat him.”
Johnny: “If I don't, I won't be comin' back to blame you.”
Tools of the Trade
The las-whip: We learn a little more about this weapon in this episode. Not only is it deadly in a fight, but with care and training it can be used just like a real whip too, delicately and with precision, as Jabal shows when using it to tame the aliens and keep them in line. He does use it as a sort of deterrent when he warns the Smiling Chukwalla away from Wulf. We also learn there is a thing called “Carlsson Rules” governing the usage of these weapons, at least, one would assume, when they're used in a competitive setting. I imagine two guys going at it out in the street is a situation where the rules would be dispensed with. Anyway, according to these Carlsson Rules, in a duel between two men the first to score a hit is usually declared the winner. This is called, apparently, “first burn”, and again I would have to expect it came about due to the potential lethal power of the weapons which, if not carefully regulated during any fight, could easily lead to the death of one of the combatant, or possibly any luckless bystander who happened to stray too close to the fight.
Show no mercy?
It's clear that when Johnny has the advertisement – essentially, the bait for Billy Joe – set up, he hopes the lawless mutant will arrive and wish to duel to the death. There is room for mercy in Alpha's heart, especially for one of his own kind, but cross him at your peril. Now he wants revenge, and he knows, and is happy that, there is only one way this contest will end. Whether the reward on Billy Joe is valid if he is brought in dead does not seem to matter to him. As they say, this time it's personal.
Aliens!
In a travelling circus such as J.J. Jabal runs, it's not surprising that there are some odd aliens. Other than the gronk, though, whom we've already met, and though we see others being trained, the only one we're told about in this episode is the
Smiling Chukwalla
This large creature lures prey towards it by pretending to be friendly, and with its huge bulbous eyes and smiling mouth (thus, I assume, its name) masking the fact that its mouth is filled with sharp teeth, it then grabs the unwary with big powerful arms and eats them.
Speaking of gronks, we learn here something we didn't know, that they are powerful healers.
Return of the Nitpicker!
I won't go on about all the times Wulf's Teutonic pronounciation is missed; let's just say there are a few “w”s where they should be “v”s and leave it at that.
Friends in low places
Is it not fitting that it's in a travelling circus – traditionally, seen as some of the lowest forms of life in history – that Wulf finds help for Johnny on a planet where it's unlikely anyone else would give him the steam to try to save his friend, would probably actually do their best to hasten his death? The freak, if you will, is taken in by freaks and saved by freaks. Very appropriate.
Laughing in the face of death
The actual idea of the Smiling Chukwalla is quite funny, even though it masks deadly intent.
The gronk's attempts – before it is revealed as such – to tell Johnny's future are amusing. “You will meet a tall dark handsome man – oh dear, that's not right: you
are tall dark and handsome. I'll try again. I see a long and happy life.” To which Johnny laconically remarks “A Strontium Dog living a long life? Sounds fishy to me.”
PCRs
Although not actually mentioned, Jabal's admonition about the Smiling Chukwalla surely refers back to the old song from Disney's
Peter Pan, “Never smile at a crocodile”.
I also have to wonder if the surname of the circus owner – Jabal – is not intentionally Arabic, given that basically he's in charge of a futuristic
caravanserai, a nomadic band that wanders the deserts of this desolate planet?
Naturally, the parallels between Johnny's studying under Jabal with the las-whip and Luke's attempts to master the lightsaber under Obi-Wan Kenobi are inescapable, and given that the time frames more or less synch up...