Music Banter - View Single Post - rate 4 lines... more to it, however, can't give it all away
View Single Post
Old 06-16-2016, 11:06 PM   #20 (permalink)
Zhanteimi
Mord
 
Zhanteimi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Tokyo
Posts: 4,873
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by WhyBanhammer View Post
Maybe your mind will change,
or I'll watch you bleed
The "maybe" doesn't make any sense. It'd be better if you cut "maybe", but it will still suck.

Quote:
Originally Posted by WhyBanhammer View Post
And maybe your eyes will sink,
Before you breathe
The "maybe" at least makes sense here, but then it's followed by an eyes sinking metaphor. I just see eyeballs sinking in the water. Not only is that a nonsensical metaphor, but I think eyeballs float. Could be wrong. Can anyone confirm this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by WhyBanhammer View Post
Maybe your mind will fail,
before you care
Like, as in senility? So the singer is dating an old woman?

Quote:
Originally Posted by WhyBanhammer View Post
And maybe you're just hard to take...
That's what she said.
__________________
Zhanteimi

LetsTalkMusic
Zhanteimi is offline   Reply With Quote