Name: DwnWthVwls (DWV)
Position: Rapper/Codebreaker
Age: 24
Status: Unknown
First Appearance: In the Blink of an Eye
Last Appearance: (thus far)
Spellmaster
For years DWV tried to make it as a rapper but never quite had the “mad skills”. Then, one night as he pored over the lyrics to some of his favourite artists' music, he noticed something odd. That something odd turned out to be the driving force for season three, the Bitch Codex, a complicated formula inserted (with the knowledge of some and without the knowledge of others) into all major rap lyrics. When deciphered, this formula became one of the most powerful spells of summoning, which would in fact call forth Satan himself from Hell and place the Lord of Lies as ruler of the Earth. But the words had to be said together, in a particular sequence. DWV learned that a huge “Rapfest” was being organised under the aegis of the African American Musicians League, which turned out to be a front for the darker arm of the Corporation, a black ops outfit which was answerable to nobody and went under the umbrella (ella-ella!
Stop that! Ed) name of D.A.R.K.
As the climax of the concert arrived, and thousands of fans at the live event as well as billions worldwide watching the broadcast were held in thrall, the spell was within moments of being completed when DWV sneaked around to the back of the stage, plugged his ipod into the sound system and began blasting Country music at full volume. As we've seen in South Park, hippies hate heavy metal and we now found out that rappers hate Country music. They began to falter in their tight lyric, upsetting the flow of the spell, and while DWV bravely endured the awful strains of Randy Travis and Garth Brooks, the crowd, uncertain what to think, began to realise that the ground beneath them was shaking. Cries from the stage of “YO! What's this mother****ing crap?” soon turned to insults among the rappers as the terrible Country music worked its own evil spell, and the rappers began fighting each other. Shots rang out and people scattered for the exits, the live broadcast was quickly pulled and DWV, exhausted from his heroic work, was one of the few people to see the arrival of the one who would later become known as The Batlord into our domain.
What happened to DWV after this feat of courage and self-sacrifice is unknown, or at least unconfirmed, but there were later sightings of him (or someone looking like him, but unaccountably much older) at the Pleasant Valley Sanitarium in Chicago, wearing a stetson and greeting everyone who came up to him as “pardner”.