The Batlord

Quite possibly Manowar's creative peak, Into Glory Ride is like no other album, even among like-minded epic metal bands. It captures a fantasy vibe that is all Vikings, magic, and armies on the march -- and heavy ****ing metal, of course. Possibly their least accessible album (that doesn't suck) with it's slow, thundering riffs that often have little for the average Metallica or Ozzy fan to latch onto, this album is an uncompromising tribute to all things manly and metallic.

Opener "Warlord" could perhaps have been a single, as it's more in line with the kind of traditional metal from Battle Hymns, and is just catchy as all hell -- and that intro of drummer Scott Columbus having relations with a girl of questionable age ("She's only sixteen!") is the dumbest thing to ever be awesome. Its masterfully poetic lyrics about motorcycles, banging broads, and generally not giving a **** about anyone who doesn't get what they're about fit that "theme" perfectly as well. But it's an odd choice to even include on, let alone kick off the album, as the entire rest sounds nothing like it.

The only other song approaching real accessibility is "Gloves of Metal" -- that ****ing riff! -- which I have already declared to be one of the greatest metal anthems of all time.


**** yeah, Eric. **** yeah.

The rest of the album is concerned entirely with fantasy, set to a background of grinding metal gloriousness heavier than a city block. "Secret of Steel", "Gates of Valhalla", and especially "March for Revenge (By the Soldiers of Death)" all perfectly conjure the epic, martial imagery of Conan, without any concessions to subtlety or good taste. If this album doesn't make you want to go out and raise hell with a broadsword, then you're dead inside.

The only duff track on the whole album is "Hatred", a somewhat dull song that doesn't really go anywhere and lasts for entirely too long, but still fits the tone of the album enough that it merely drags a bit, rather than halts the album. And there's just something about the personality of the song that keeps it from being outright skippable filler. On the bright side, there is no bass solo track on the entire record. A fine trade-off as far as I'm concerned.

The aforementioned "March for Revenge" closes Into Glory Ride in brilliant fashion. It's probably the most ambitious song on the album, with a series of interplaying riffs of godlike quality, setting the stage for a stirring tale of battle and victory. Surely a metaphor for the forces of True Metal letting no obstacle stop them in their glorious Crusade. I'm sure fuddy-duddies would deride the mid-point of the song, when it nearly stops for a lament to the death of a beloved comrade in arms, but when Eric Adams declares...


... Only poseurs are not moved. Yes, that means you, *******. **** off.

This was the first Manowar album I ever listened to, and for the longest time it never really resonated with me. It's certainly not the first album I'd recommend to someone new to the band, due to it being one of their least accessible albums, but with time it has become a treasured part of my metal collection. Into Glory Ride is only for the Truest of Metalheads, and everyone else can kiss its perfectly sculpted ass. Hail!

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