Among Us Walk the Superheroes!!!
They are not cosplayers. They are not hobbyists. They are not like you and me. These are men and women who take the law and their lives into their hands to suit up, with homemade uniforms and cellphones to call the real police, in order to fight crime. Just. Like. Batman. I bet you thought superheroes were confined to the pages of comic books; you would be wrong. There are indeed "real" ones walking the streets today, and I shall highlight the most hilar-I mean, notable individuals.
Mr. Xtreme
I think the name says it all. From his intimidating goggles, to his knick knack-covered body armor, this is clearly a man for whom the word "extreme" is not just an idea, but a way of life. Security guard and volunteer fire fighter by day, by night Mr. Xtreme patrols the streets of San Diego to discourage violent crime, and even participates in community outreach programs. Not a man to go by half measures, he has even established the so-called "Xtreme Justice League", with whose members he teams up for patrols and volunteer work. His identity and marital status remain a closely guarded secret.
Keep up the good work, Mr. Xtreme. We are xtremely proud of you.
Motor Mouth
Can you guess what Motor Mouth's special ability is? It's a stun gun. But first he'll try to talk his way out of a confrontation while patrolling nighttime San Fransisco, California with his team, the Northern California Protectorate -- part of a larger group that operates up and down the West Coast.
But he's not all talk -- remember, he has a stun gun. During 2010 riots caused by the verdict in a racially sensitive court case involving the shooting death of an unarmed African American man, Motor Mouth and his fellow super heroes bravely took to the streets of Oakland to try to maintain order.
As you can see from his impressive physique, Motor Mouth's namesake is a versatile weapon. Keep on motoring, man.
Zetaman
Like any self respecting real life superhero, Zetaman does his share of late night patrols, but his real passion is community outreach. The thing that really sets him apart from his peers is that he has his own Youtube reality show,
The Real Adventures of Zetaman, which documents his "adventures" (i.e. Toys for Tots kinda ****).
Surely, a cartoon series will be soon to follow.
Nyx
... I'm sorry, what was I saying? Oh right, in a "field" dominated by men, Nyx is an exception. Operating out of New York, she concentrates her work on protecting the homeless. But where other superheroes are more open about their patrols, using their intimidation factor as a deterrent, Nyx prefers to operate in the shadows: “Like the night, I cannot be proven or disproven to certain degrees; and also much like the night, when morning comes, there will be no trace of me.”
You know, I think those crazy, crazy, mother****ing crazy kids just might make it.
Phoenix Jones
I suppose that there would inevitably emerge an anti-hero in the real life superhero movement. Phoenix Jones is that man, along with his Rain City Superhero Movement. A professional MMA fighter in his civilian life, he has been arrested after using peppery spray against an assailant, and been involved in numerous other altercations which have given him a rather dubious reputation with the Seattle police.
I don't know about you people, but knowing that heroes like these are out in the streets, protecting the innocent, makes me feel much safer to step outside my house. So, I salute you, oh Justice League wannabes of dubious mental capacity. Now, will one of you fall into a vat of toxic waste and get laser eye beams already?