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Old 03-13-2015, 01:11 PM   #6 (permalink)
The Batlord
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trollheart View Post
Hand-to--hand

Spoiler for .:
Anyone can use a phaser, but sometimes the true measure of a man, and this goes doubly for a captain, is when he can defend himself without weapons. Kirk has certainly had his share of fisticuffs fights (The Gorn in “Arena” springs to mind) but I can’t recall Picard every going mano a mano with anyone. I could be wrong here, but I just don’t remember him punching out anyone or fighting without his weapon. If he didn’t, then Kirk has to take this round as the man’s man, and so we have a slight lead for him as the scores now stand at

10-9 to Kirk
They're captains. It's not their job to fight Gorns. Irrelevant nonsense yet again.

Quote:
Alien Nemesis

Spoiler for .:
Every captain, like every superhero, needs an arch-enemy to keep him on his toes and at the top of his game. Kirk doesn’t have one (who said Harry Mudd??) but Picard does: his name is Q. Picard wins this easily, which gets us back to a draw situation.

10-10
What? What does this have to do with anything? Besides, just because Kahn wasn't an actual alien shouldn't disqualify him from being a nemesis. And Q was more annoyance than nemesis.

Quote:
Children

Spoiler for .:
No, neither has any children, but how do they relate to the little bast -- ah, cherubs? Well Picard makes it clear from the very beginning that he does not do well with kids, evidenced fairly quickly in his reaction to Wesley Crusher, and his subsequent dealings with the little folk. He does however redeem himself slightly during the episode “Disaster”, where he manages to keep all the children trapped in the turbolift with him calm, and saves them all. Mind you, he goes about this by essentially applying adult attitudes to them, so is it that big an achievement? Still, eh tries so he have to give him that. Kirk, on the other hand, seems quite comfortable with children, as we see in "Miri", "And the children shall lead" and other episodes. This may be because his brother has children, so he is obviously Uncle Jim, or perhaps more pointedly because he does not have to deal with them on the ship. In fairness, neither does Picard: the odd time he might come across one playing in the corridors but it’s not like they’ve a nursery on the bridge or anything.

No, I think all in all this one has to go to Kirk, definitely the less scary and more approachable and human of the two father figures we know as captains of two very different Enterprises.

12-11 to Kirk
This might be your most arbitrary criteria of all. The Grand Magus of irrelevant nonsense.

Quote:
Physical shape?

Spoiler for .:
Of course a captain needs to be in good, if not totally tip-top shape and whereas we’ve seen Kirk’s manly chest more than a few times as he attends a physical in sickbay and pumps those weird pedals on the wall (what the hell are they for anyway?), not to mention that we’ve never heard of him suffering from any longterm illness or ailment, we're back to that artificial heart that was installed to save Picard's life after he was stabbed by an alien. That in itself, while making something of a badass of the good captain, does detract from his physical fitness score and leads almost to his death when it malfunctions in “Tapestry”, and therefore has to count against him. So Kirk wins this round to, levelling the score again.

12-12
While I would agree that a captain's appearance can inspire confidence, there isn't enough of a difference for it to be relevant.


And so, I believe I have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that Trollheart is goofy and full of crap.
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