Impressions on Home
Part 3
Dunno how this song ties in with the entry
You know, I have no idea what it's like to be in real need. Sure my family's income is below the poverty line, but the same goes for dozens of millions of other US citizens who aren't making ****. Sure, I'll go a day or two without eating, but growing children are going weeks. Sure, I have to sleep on the street sometimes, but I don't
live there.
That being said, I'm sitting here at a laundromat waiting to hear from my parents, completely unsure of whether or not we'd be getting another hotel room today. The last one would be *recollects last two years* the twenty-first different weekly we've stayed in since moving here. My parents wanted to move for better work opportunities and better general living. All that's changed is that we haven't seen anything we've had locked up in storage at all, we're making less money, and I don't sleep on a bed anymore. It's the same aside from that, their attitudes haven't been good for like six years. They complained every second then, they complain every second now. I've woken up every night for a couple days shouting terrible things at my dad because of a dream I'm having where I'm doing the same. I've had near uncontrollable urges to kill them both in their sleep, sometimes the only thing that's stopped was lack of a weapon. But then I feel so bad for them, like when my dad goes and does something pleasant and completely selfless, or when I get an email from my mom while I'm away saying "It would be better if you stayed a little longer. Don't know where we are going to be staying tonight. Sorry it has to be like this."
What's a boy to do?
To relate the first paragraph saying it's not so bad and the second filled with bitching: The whole point is, I just don't even care anymore. I've grown completely numb to anything at all since moving here. Sure, sometimes I visit friends and have a good time but they don't know I'm dead inside, why would I bother them with that nonsense? And yeah, there are days worse than others, but who the **** cares. I'm cursed with this crippling indifference. Not upset and not happy. There's nothing I can do about anything so why dwell on it?
tl;dr: I'm too punk for feelings anymore.