Quote:
Originally Posted by Neapolitan
Well, I guess what Vwls meant was that person has to be totally resolute never to return to smoking before quitting, if someone goes about saying they will but knowing in the back of their mind they probably have a smoke, well that's more like temporary quitting. I don't think he is underscoring people who return to smoking. I think he is more pointing out how much it is a battle of the will to quit.
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When you say something like "a smoker has to be totally resolute never to return to smoking before quitting", you're making a mistake. You're assuming that these smokers are thinking and behaving in a rational way that is completely within their control. However, the entire premise of an addiction is that you
don't have control anymore, and your dependancy on substances overpowers your mental functions. The fact is, no matter what someones' circumstances are (if they are dead serious about quitting, if they have a loving family, if continuing with their habit is showing signs of killing them, etc.), chances are that they will fail to quit on their first try (anywhere from 60-80 percent will return to smoking). And once someone fails to quit on their first try (which is the most likely outcome), people saying things like "it's because you weren't serious/strong enough to quit" makes them feel like hopeless human garbage, which is one of the main reasons for why someone becomes far less likely to quit if they can't break the habit on their first attempt.
Time and again in behavioral studies, positive/empathetic reinforcement (Ex: "I believe in you", "you can do this", "just ask if you need any help") does wonders for boosting someone's self-esteem and improves their ability to accomplish difficult goals, even when they're going through something as erratic and unpredictable as an addiction. On the other hand, negative/apathetic reinforcement (Ex: "It's your fault", "Get over it", "I don't care") either does nothing, or actually makes it
less likely for the recipient to achieve their goals. I understand DwnWthVwls intentions, but he's giving the type of advice that hurts more people than it will ever help.