Oddly enough, it's more like Christmas now than it was in December. The sky is cold and blue, it's freezing cold and we're even getting some snow. But it is almost a month since Christmas Day, so time to get the last versions out of the way. There are four left that I know of, but of those, one, an animated version which has everyone as cartoon animals, can't be tracked down, which is a pity, as I would love to have seen Scrooge as a skunk, but what can you do? That leaves us with these three then.
Year: 2004
Medium: Colour
Starring: Kelsey Grammer, Jane Krakowski, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jason Alexander
Directed by: Arthur Allan Seidelman
Length: 98 mins
Brief comments: I found this so hard to track down I actually had to buy it. This is only the second time I've done this, but I have seen this version on telly before and was so impressed with it that I didn't want to pass over it. Plus it's Kelsey Grammer. It's also a full musical, based on a stage production in which Grammer also starred. It's interesting how Scrooge does not conduct his business at his office, chewing out Cratchit and the gentlemen collecting for the poor (three this time) at the Exchange, while his nephew accosts him on the way to his office. For once, a film set in the twenty-first century uses the bewildering arsenal of special effects at hand to create a true masterpiece of horror and fear. Wonderful soundtrack too. One of the best I've seen. Mind you, if I have to sit through one more rendition of Fezziwig's party I may just have to shoot myself in the head!
CHARACTERS
Scrooge: I once said Scrooge was the role Patrick Stewart was born to play. Not so. I was very disappointed, as I wrote already, with his take on the character; basically Picard plays Scrooge. Very limited. But Grammer! Ah now there's an actor! I've seen him play Frasier of course, the mayor in “Boss”, a criminally axed show that portrayed him as a real hardass, uncaring grasping politician, and as the cocky newscaster in “Back to you”. Here, he is none of those things (well, perhaps a little of Mayor Tom King) and puts in a powerhouse performance (and I don't say that often, but it's deserved), both with his acting and his singing. He is resistant to change but slowly crumbles, unlike other Scrooges who changed abruptly; he really gives the impression of a man going through a transformation, a cathartic epiphany. An almost perfect portrayal that easily gets him top marks. 10
Marley: Another excellent performance from George from “Seinfeld”, and a great song too. Wonderful effects, especially in the “Danse macabre” as the other poor spirits of misers cavort around him, wrapping him in their chains. Superb. Another 10.
Cratchit: The usual annoying Bob, content with his pathetic life. But a little less annoying. Have to admit he's a good singer too. Damn him. 8
Tiny Tim: Not too annoying, though he does sing. I notice that he walks without his crutch at one point. Still, not bad overall. 7
Others: The girl who is unnamed but whose father owes Scrooge is a sort of recurring character and she's played well. Say a 6 for her. Fred's okay but as usual doesn't figure enough in the story to be rated. I'd add a 4 for the trio of charitable gentlemen, who sing very well.
The Ghosts:
The Ghost of Christmas Past: Sexy as F
UCK with superb legs, and she virtually does a pole dance around Scrooge's bed! Oh me heart! Great link with her being the lamplighter Scrooge refuses to help on Christmas Eve, and then her song is “The lights of long ago.” Got to be a 9
The Ghost of Christmas Present: Another character Scrooge briefly crossed paths with, a barker advertising a show. Could have done without the stage number though: pretty cringeworthy. There rest is ok, and there's Ignorance and Want, so that's good. 7
The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come: This time it's the old blind woman Scrooge originally passed. She said he'd meet her again. Interesting that it's the first time the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come has a face, also she's dressed in white not black. The Gravediggers' dance is great but a lot of the scenes are a little rushed and pushed together. Still, I'd give her a solid 7.
Faithful to the novel: Mostly, but there are some real liberties taken with the story, such as Scrooge's father being sent to jail for debt, he himself never being reunited with Fan, and the only depiction I have ever seen of his mother. It doesn't show Scrooge in school, but in a factory, working. Also, Scrooge's lover is called Emily, not Belle. Ah crap! JLH can sing as well! I really hate her now. The idea of Scrooge refusing Fezziwig the loan that would save his business is clever too, though added to the novel. We also see a lot more of Marely, including his death. Oh God! Not dancing sailors! Please! Um, Fred seems to have a son? In fairness I can only give this a 5.
Emotion level: High enough, yes, say 7
Puke level: Zero
Horror level: Zero
Soundtrack: Superb. Of course, given that this is based on a stage play and is a musical, you would expect that, but to be honest it kicks the 1970 version's musical arse. Fantastic songs, well woven into the story, and just top rate all round. The link between the song “A place called home” being sung first by Fan as she wishes for Scrooge's return home, then later by Emily is outstanding. No hesitation awarding this, too, the highest score. 10.
So that's a total of
97. With the stars added in that's another 20, but as The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come is played by Geraldine Chaplin, daughter of the silent movie comedy icon, that's got to be worth at least another 5. The idea of using existing characters for the ghosts works far better here than it did in Ross Kemp's version, so I'm giving a 10 for that.
That's a
Grand Total of
132! I think that is the very highest yet, and it certainly deserves it. Phenomenal version! Hard to imagine anything beating that!
Now, I was supposed to view, against my better judgement, “Barbie's Christmas Carol”, but the only workable version I could find --- other than those fu
ckers who tell you they have the full movie then direct you to their spam site --- C
unts --- was one where whoever filmed it decided for some reason to do so at half-speed, so that ev-er-y one spoke ve-ry slow-ly and made the whole thing e-ven more of a strug-gle than it would have been, and extemded the damn thing to over two hours! Nearly two and a half! Fu
ck it: an hour would have been tough to get through, never mind two! Plus I fast-forwarded a little and what I saw made me glad I had decided to abandon the idea. So Barbie was sent on her way, and that then leaves us with one final version to check out:
Year: 2009
Medium: Colour (Animated)
Starring: Jim Carrey, Gary Oldman, Bob Hoskins, Colin Firth
Directed by: Robert Zemeckis
Length: 94 mins
Brief comments: Currently the last of the adaptations to be filmed, the 2009 version allowed Disney to employ all of the latest techniques in computer animation and CGI, allied to their almost limitless budget, and produce a film that far exceeded any of the previous ... oh no wait. It didn't. It's good, but it suffers from a few flaws. The animation is first class and the story is stuck to almost rigidly, but the writers can't resist throwing in some typical Disney wackiness and comic relief, though thankfully they stay away from cute animals and written-for-the-film songs. Not a bad version, to be fair, but far from the best.
CHARACTERS
Scrooge: Much as I dislike Jim Carrey, he is great in the role. The animated figure is perfect, a combination of nastiness and world-weariness, and Carrey voices him extremely well (he also voices other characters). For the animation I'd give an 8, for the voice an 8, so let's say an 8 then.
Marley: Here Disney really go to town on the special effects, and for the first time in a long time he's actually scary. Well played by Gary Oldman, who also voices Cratchit and his son. I'm glad to see they've realised, after all this time, that the scariest most horrible colour for a ghost is green. Ugh! A solid 8 for him.
Cratchit: Happy-go-lucky Bob annoys me as ever. He's okay but nothing special. 6
Tiny Tim: Not too annoying. Also voiced by Oldman. Say 5
Others: n/a
The Ghosts:
The Ghost of Christmas Past: Did not like this at all. Weird, flame-type creature whose head keeps separating from his body, and has an unnervingly thick Irish accent, which for some reason Carrey (who voices all the ghosts) thought was necessary. 4, and I'm being kind.
The Ghost of Christmas Present: Much better. The standard huge jolly figure, though now Carrey makes him a scouser! Laughs too much though, even laughing as he dies! The death scene is unexpeced and carried off very well, as are Want and Ignorance, the animation depicting them top drawer. Really, due to this I give him a 7
The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come: Terrible. A shadow, literally. The scenes are good but why does Carrey get credit for voicing him when the spirit never speaks a single word? Also, why they suddenly decided to have Scrooge (shrunk, for some reason, to tiny proportions) chased by a ghostly carriage (a metaphor for the sins of his life bearing down on him perhaps?) and take up most of the sequence is beyond me. No, I thought the whoel thing was very poor. 2
Faithful to the novel: Almost slavishly so, almost word-for-word. Have to give it top marks for that. 10
Emotion level: Some, but it hadn't me blubbering. 7
Puke level: Zero
Horror level: Actually, due to the great animation of Marley and the depiction of Want and Ignorance in the Ghost of Christmas Present sequence, a pretty high 6
Soundtrack: Meh, standard Disney but you have to give them credit for not taking the path of writing songs for the movie. So, let's see, 5 sound OK?
Our total then is
68. Add the stars and that's another 20, and the animation deserves credit too, so let's say 10 for that. That's a
Grand Total then of
98. Not bad.
But not anywhere near enough tobeat off Kelsey Grammer's version, which storms right into the second round.
Now we have our finalists, and tomorrow I'll start whittling them down, so that by hopefully the end of the week we'll have our answer to which is the greatest version of “A Christmas Carol”. Stand by: it's gonna get bloody! I mean jolly! No, I mean bloody...