Originally Posted by Trollheart

To be honest, I was expecting you to tell us that this girl is now coming on to you, or that you're having feelings for her and wonder if it's just that you're trying to protect her/provide a harbour or if there's something there. Given that that is not the case --- your business if it is and you haven't told us --- I think you learned with your brother that no matter what you do, no matter how you point out how bad stuff is that they're doing, you can't change someone's life or even attitude unless they want to change it. But as Blaro says, getting too involved in this will threaten to drag you down, so I would say let him get on with it and see how it goes with him. If he "snaps out of it" and wants you as a friend again, fine. If not, then that's his decision. Personally, from what you've written here before I think you have/had enough stress in your life without trying to take on someone else's too.

You say he's been more or less like this all his life, so what makes you think he will change now? What age is he by the way? In any case, you can't force change so if he's not willing to listen to reason you're just going to waste your efforts and stress yourself out. In the end, callous though it may seem, I would say adopting the "your life, nothing to do with me" attitude is the sanest, and safest course.

Can I have change back from my two cents now please?

Originally Posted by Ninetales

I cant say your situation is similar at all to anything ive gone through, but I lost contact with a few very good friends. 2 of them relating to drugs. both times it was more them breaking contact with me than the other way around tho and they were more a product of "im delving deeper into drugs=less time for you" than outright dismissal of friendship. And that sort of sounds like whats happening with you here imo. Like I doubt you would (or I hope you wont) just cut him out of your life willingly. hes on the other side of the country, so im guessing you guys only text or Skype or whatever atm anyways, and im guessing that will slow down as time goes by, especially if his ex is done with him for good. But I wouldn't outright say "we're done never contact me again". yeah hes probably being a huge idiot, but I don't think at this point that theres any reason to sever all ties seeing as how hes so far away and you cant possibly see him much anyway. and when you do run into him again, Im thinking youd rather not just ignore each other like strangers.

one of my best friends from middle school got into drugs towards the end of junior high. I never got into that crowd and we sort of just stopped hanging out much. we went to the same high school but spoke maybe twice. not even sure he graduated tbh. since then I hadn't seen him for years until a couple years ago I saw him on the bus. he sat by me and we spend the entire half hour ride reminiscing of when we were best friends and ****. he told me how he got kicked out of his house after hs and lived on the streets for a while but was now trying to get his life back on track. I drove him home and that was the last time I saw him (until 4 days ago actually, I played hockey with him. weird stuff.) I don't think he actually got sober at that time but whatever. not my place and I frankly don't really care much. we're not friends any more but if we meet its like nothing ever changed. like we still get along and we'll shoot the shit but then we go our separate ways and that's that for another few years I guess. sorry for the tangent, but that's what I see with you and your friend now. I doubt youll ever be best friends again (I could be wrong, and I don't know your relationship leading up to this event) but youll hang out every once and a while and nothing else will matter. him being immature and stupid wont matter. him boning hookers wont matter. youll chat, have a beer, etc and then go on with your lives.

So no, I wouldn't try and actively change his life or mind about these things, but I wouldn't actively shut him out either. my guess is youll just drift apart (if you haven't started to already). concentrate on your own life; you cant change everyone

this all could be very terrible advice, idk, but that's how I see it without all the facts of the sitch. apologies if all ive said is garbage.