It kind of sounds like both you and she are better off without him. I wouldn't necesarily drop contact with him or anything like that, but I wouldn't try to change him or let him in too deep into your own life at this point. He's clearly poisonous, and drinking that poison will only result in hurting yourself.
But that whole situation is screwed up and there's a lot of gray areas. There's no simple answer, that's for sure.
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