The Batlord

This issue is so new that I had to bust my ass just to find a cover the right size that didn't look like ****. But yeah, there's a female Thor now. If you didn't know that, then I really don't know what you're doing here, cause it's been hot **** news for like months. Even my (bitchass) friend who's lukewarm to comic books in general, and thought the first Thor movie was ****---in all fairness, it was---knew about it when I brought it up a while back. So no excuses. I actually haven't read the thing yet though; I just wanted to say a couple things first to mark this occasion.

There's been a lot of flak hurled Marvel's way over this, and not without cause. This was clearly an editorial decision, and not the idea of Jason Aaron, writer for the newly ended Thor: God of Thunder, and current writer for Thor. Supposedly, half the current readership for comic books are girls, and this is clearly who they're trying to reach with this. I don't know how true that statistic is---it certainly seems counter-intuitive---but I'll go with it. The current successes of Marvel Studios may very well have had this effect, and if so, Marvel obviously wants to capitalize on it.

It's also clear that they don't need to do something so drastic to revitalize the character, as God of Thunder has been trading places with Hawkeye the last couple of years at the top of lists for Marvel's best series, and I can second that. So we're left with an obvious case of executive interference.

I'm also leery of this as the transition has already been pretty awkward. The whole justification for a female Thor has been that the real Thor will somehow become unworthy of Mjolnir, which will mean that it may end up going to someone else who is, who will then gain all the powers of Thor. Marvel had actually been doing a good job up till this point: Thor's arc in his series showed him to be impotent and disheartened in the face of enemies that he could not fight merely with his fists (namely evil corporations and Asgardian politics). So I assumed that when I "opened" the final issue of T:GoT, that it would finally reveal how he was to become unworthy, and cap off a truly epic series while leading seamlessly into Thor #1.

Nope. I looked at the very first page, where it gives short bios on the main characters and a quick synopsis of the recent history of the series (take notes DC, you need to start doing this), only to see that Thor is ALREADY unworthy. Apparently he became so in issue #7 of Original Sin, which is the most recent of those damn company-wide crossover events that nobody but the nerdiest of the nerdy will every keep up with. And it wasn't even good apparently. ***spoiler*** Nick Fury just kind of whispers something in Thor's ear and he drops Mjolnir on the moon. We don't even know what Fury said. Bam. Unworthy. ***end spoiler*** So, the most important thing to happen to Thor for years didn't even happen in the pages of his own series? Hell, it didn't even happen in his Original Sin spin-off mini-series, Original Sin: Thor and Loki - The Tenth Realm.

****. You. Marvel.

And yet I am both optimistic, and sort of stoked. I am optimistic, because the same writer who made God of Thunder into comic book sex, Jason Aaron, is staying on for the new series. Marvel may have cocked up Thor's becoming unworthy, but you can hardly lay the blame for that on the guy who wasn't even writing Original Sin. After all, he's been responsible for actually giving us a character arc that might actually make the transition make any kind of sense at all. He's also clearly been building up to this since the start of the series. Even from the beginning he's been introducing plot elements that have been building over the past two years, and are just coming to fruition as we speak. If all goes well he's about to unleash some truly epic, Viking ****. Not to mention the whole thing with Galactus... He's even hinted at who may very well end up becoming the new Thor, and if I'm right, then I rather approve.

But I'm stoked because of my fellow fanboys. The sheer amount of misogynistic furor has been mind-boggling. Now, you all hopefully know me well enough to know that I am not a moral crusader. In all likelihood I sympathize with your race/gender/creed/nationality/etc's respective plight(s), but I probably don't care enough to give you anything but wishy washy moral support. (Go, black people!) These turds however, make me ashamed to be a comic book fan. The thought that I might be thrown in with these losers is simply unacceptable. So, I welcome this. Even if this attempt to attract female readers is horribly awkward, if it and other series targeted toward women succeed and female readership grows, then maybe the women-hating pigs will be shamed into silence, and I won't have to see them on Reddit while I'm looking for the newest issue of Harley Quinn. Hell, maybe they'll just quit reading comic books altogether and go bother the Dr. Who fans instead. If comics can't survive without them then they're probably a doomed medium anyway.

Also, I just have a serious thing for strong female characters. Never been quite sure why. I even prefer to play as girls in video games. If I'd ever shown any interest whatsoever in women's clothing I'd wonder if I was secretly a tranny. But either way, a badass Nordic thunder goddess? I'm totally on board.

But enough of my critically-acclaimed ramblings. Time to read this ****ing thing...




Well, Jason Aaron certainly didn't go out of his way to piss people off with issue#1. The new Thor doesn't even appear till the last two pages, and we still don't know who she is. At this point I'm just happy she doesn't look like she shares clothes with Red Sonja. The only new wrinkle about her is that it appears that Thor's mother, Freyja, might have something to do with her taking up the hammer. There seems to be a power struggle developing between her and her husband, Odin, who has until recently been in some kind of dimension that's a prison but also a hut, keeping some other guy captive. I don't really know what that's about, but he's back now, and his wife doesn't seem willing to give up the power that she had been holding. A rather unsubtle parallel to what's going on, but a power struggle in Asgard at this point in time will be interesting.

But the main focus is still Thor at this point, though I think that will shift starting with #2. The issue starts with the same gorgeous, fantasy/sci fi artwork that made the last series so amazing. I was worried when I found out that Asad Ribic wouldn't be carrying over from God of Thunder, but my fears were apparently unfounded, as the new artist, Russell Dauterman, is doing a kickass job right out of the gate. Like I was thinking, the plot points that have been building for the past two years are finally being realized. Frost giants are invading Midgard, led by their ally, Malekith the Accursed, king of the dark elves of Svartalfheim. With the hints that have been dropped further back in T:GoT about a further alliance with the demons of Muspelheim, the emergence of age-old enemies of Asgard in the angels of the recently rediscovered Tenth Realm from Original Sin: Thor and Loki - The Tenth Realm (long story), a whole evil-Loki-vs-good-Loki-and-time-travel thing from Loki: Agent of Asgard (long story), and the continued evilness of the Minotaur-led multinational corporation, Roxxon, from the latest arc of T:GoT (long story), this is shaping up to be an epic war to span time, space, and whatever else you can think of. It's gonna take some really ****ty writing for Jason Aaron to not come up with gold here, especially since the new Thor, assuming she's who I think she is, will be all wrapped up in another part of the story that's been developing since issue #1. It's gonna get convoluted, folks.

Oh yeah, right. Frost giants. There's a pretty spectacular scene at the beginning, where an army of Jotun ("frost giants" for the mythologically illiterate) attack a bitchin' undersea base owned by that evil corporation I just mentioned. There's a whole thing about a skull that Roxxon found at the bottom of the ocean that's supposed to bring back some big, bad, frost giant king or something (I'd have to break out T:GoT #25 to refresh my memory, and I'm lazy), and Malekith is helping them get it back. It's one of the more visually impressive scenes I've seen recently.

Also, "attack sharks". Oh yeah.

The issue is mostly taken up with this plotline, and Thor on the moon, despondent over his inability to pick up Mjolnir. There's a whole thing where all of his fellow Asgardians are gathered around him like some weird family standing around a boy's bed, commiserating with him that he just can't get it up to **** his girlfriend... You know, this is all kind of a metaphor for erectile dysfunction and penis envy, isn't it? I'm sure the fanboys are ****ting themselves with chauvinistic rage right about now. But anyways, the scene feels pretty natural. Thor really feels distraught and listless in a way that doesn't feel cheesy or poorly written. Then Odin's messenger crows, Mugin and Hugin ("thought" and "memory" if I'm not mistaken), show up to inform them all of the frost giant attack. Cue short debate with Odin and Freyja over what to do about it, which seemingly leads to Freyja plotting something or other that we are to assume results in whoever it is picking up Mjolnir and becoming Thor. If one weren't familiar with T:GoT, it might seem that Freyja herself had picked it up, but the hints about the other woman that have been given, along with the lack of any kind of foreshadowing as to Freyja becoming Thor, lead me to dismiss this possibility.

The book finishes with a bitchin' fight between Thor (who's stopped feeling sorry for himself long enough to get a big, ****ing axe), Malekith, and the frost giants on the bottom of the ocean. Just to add injury to insult, Aaron really puts one over on poor old Thor by having Malekith CUT OFF HIS HAMMER ARM!!! This has been alluded to in T:GoT, what with a whole recurring storyline of a future Thor who is king of Asgard and only has one arm, but now we finally see how it happens. Bitchin'. He's left on the bottom of the ocean to die---because what villain would ever be stupid enough to leave a seemingly-defeated hero still alive to come back and kick their ass later on?---before the final cut to the new Thor, and a bitch-****in'-in' splash page of her holding Mjolnir aloft, lightning a-cracklin'.

So, we're not really allowed to judge the new Thor even in her first book, but I think that's a good thing. The important thing is the storyline after all, especially as it's a storyline that's been developing for over two years, so having her overshadow it from the word "Go!" wouldn't be so great. And from what it looks like, female Thor aside, Aaron really is picking up right where he left off, which is exactly where I wanted him to. It's still up in the air whether the new Thor will find her place here, but I have faith in this writer. Lookin' good so far.

Thank god she wasn't wearing a metal bikini.

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