the way i look at it is basically that it is selfish at a genetic level but not selfish at the level of the individual organism. the gene that codes for the altruistic behavior is in itself selfish since genes by definition are selected based on their success in propagating themselves. so if the gene itself had any sort of agency you would have to consider it selfish. but the organism is not the gene, and the organism doesn't actually benefit from the sacrifice the gene has programmed it to make. e.g. the bee example; the genetic lineage might benefit from that sort of sacrifice. the individual bee that makes the sacrifice doesn't benefit. if they did then it wouldn't be a sacrifice.
so i think that there is a real distinction to make between instincts which promote the organism's individual well being and survival and those that promote the organism to sacrifice those priorities, and i think it makes sense to label the latter as altruism.
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