Music Banter - View Single Post - Help with a sonnet
View Single Post
Old 12-01-2005, 05:30 PM   #11 (permalink)
bungalow
Account Disabled
 
bungalow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Hot-lanta
Posts: 3,061
Default

Ok...I just finished mine. What would you grade it, knowing that I am a student and not a poet. And that it was very forced

My pride is like a blanket to my eyes
I have become my own worst enemy
I’m left with none but wicked alibis
And with my arrogance that frightens me
All of my sins fall beyond forgiveness
And all of my faults are beyond compare
My indulgence a crime beyond excess
For I live a life beyond repair
But what has the man who has but himself
Except a lifetimes worth of his regrets
I hang my foolish pride upon the shelf
Occupied by self indulgent debts

There is no couplet....still working on that.....
The only part I really dislike is
"Left with none but wicked alibis"
that line blows...the rest is ok
bungalow is offline   Reply With Quote