Music doesn’t always have to be serious. Sometimes it is of course, and needs to be: if you don’t take your music seriously then what’s the point? But as my “Psychic Album Reviews” journal has shown, there are occasions where you can just lie back and laugh, both at yourself and at the music, and jsut indulge in something that is ultimately silly and nonsensical, but great fun still.
In this section I’ll be looking at those novelty, comedy songs that have made us shake our heads but stll brought a smile to our lips, if only an ironic one. “The Chicken song” by Spitting Image. “Ernie”, by Benny Hill. “Jilted John”. “Brand nwe combine harvester”. And Weird Al of course. Songs that often make no sense and you wonder why they were written, but still laugh at them: you just can’t help yourself.
I won’t be going into too deep analysis of the songs --- after all, this is all fun. Mind you, I had fun once and it was awful! --- but I will be telling you what I know about the songs and what I think of them, whether you want to hear it or not.
Maybe some will bring back fond, embarrassing or awkward memories for you, who knows?
Star Trekkin’ --- The Firm --- 1987
Music by John O’Connor and Grahame Lister, lyrics by John O’Connor, Grahame Lister and Rory Kehoe.
Chart Position: Number One (for two weeks)
(Warning: this review will be Nerd-heavy and contain many references to Star Trek. If you are offended by such material please do not read any further. Thank you for your co-operation.)
Note: this was briefly featured in my now-defunct section "Weird **** I like", back in 2011, but I only touched on it slightly. This will be a little more in-depth.
If any show has been parodied more than “Star Trek” I don’t want to know about it. I’m a big Trek fan myself (though I wouldn’t call myself a Trekker: you’ll find no Starfleet uniform in
my wardrobe!) and have seen it, often rightly, slagged off more times and in more ways than I care to remember. Some of the parodies have been good, some
very good, some bad. This I would put in the middle category. It’s clever, it’s funny and it pokes fun at the franchise in a way none but the most tight-arsed Trek fan could take offence at.
Utilising an original verse written by Rory Kehoe but with amendments and additions from John O’Connor and Grahame Lister, the former a session musician and composer, while the latter was a guitarist and still plays in a rock band, it is of course a parody of the classic TV series. The basic melody is a fast, uptempo, almost frenetic rhythm based around a children’s chant like the type they sing skipping (or, if you’re American, jumping) rope or playing other games. It’s sung in a high falsetto (probably using studio technology to speed up and raise the octave of the singers, as the voice sounds female but no female is credited), again like children, and briefly catalogues the mission of the USS
Enterprise and its crew.
Each has their own line, with Scotty singing
“Ye cannae change the laws of physics!”, a line he only spoke once but which has become identified with his “miracle-worker” reputation within the series and onboard the ship. I can’t remember what episode it was in (I’m not
that much of a nerd!) but I know it was something to do with the ship’s orbit decaying so that they would fall into the atmospheric pull of the planet (I
am that much of a nerd!) and Kirk demanded he do something, to which Scotty replied “I can’t change the laws of physics Sir” or something similar.
Uhura (comms officer) warns
”There’s Klingons on the starboard bow” while Mister Spock declares
“It’s life, Jim, but not as we know it.” NERD ALERT! NERD ALERT! Spock used Kirk’s given name perhaps twice or three times in the entire run of the series. His stuffy formality and his Vulcan etiquette meant he always referred to his as Captain, leading to their cover almost being blown in “The city on the edge of forever” when he used the title. Doctor McCoy says “It’s worse that that! He’s dead Jim!” This at least is accurrate: McCoy called Kirk by his first name more often than not, and the captain referred to him affectionately as “Bones”.
Of course the song would not be complete without input from the man himself, and Captain Kirk declares “We come in peace, shoot to kill!” The tempo gets faster and more frantic as the song progresses, with the chorus thrown in after each character speaks, until it reaches a climax at the end when the voices get so high they almost move out of the range of human hearing and then fade away.
The song is great but the video really makes it, with what I think is claymation (though the puppets’ heads all look like they’re made out of a potato) and the action switching between the bridge of the Enterprise, outside shots of the ship and three aliens on a small moon who are watching, they who sing the chorus. A nice touch is that Kirk is sitting in his captain’s chair holding a wooden log: Captain’s Log? Eventually poor old Scotty is overwhelmed as Kirk delcares “Warp Factor 9” and he replies despairingly “If I give it any more captain she’ll blow!” And she does. The ship explodes as the song fades out.
Utterly brilliant. The Firm came into being when O’Connor and Lister, unable to find anyone who would perform their 1982 novelty song “Arthur Daley e’s alright”, decided to do it themselves. This song encountered similar problems for them, and was turned down by every label they approached so they ended up pressing a few hundred copies independently. After a flurry of activity on radio the song quickly became a hit and indeed made it to the number one spot. Not bad going for a song no label was interested in!
”Star Trekkin’ across the universe
On the Starship Enterprise, under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin’ across the universe
Boldly going forward, cos we can’t find reverse!”
(Lieutenant Uhura, report!)
Uhura: “There’s Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow
There’s Klingons on the starboard bow
Starboard bow Jim.”
(Analysis, Mister Spock?)
Spock: “It’s life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it.
It’s life, Jim, but not as we know it.
Not as we know it Captain.”
Uhura: “There’s Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow
There’s Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow
Starboard bow Jim.”
Star Trekkin’ across the universe
On the Starship Enterprise, under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin’ across the universe
Boldly going forward, still can’t find reverse!”
(Medical update, Doctor McCoy!)
McCoy: “It’s worse than that! He’s dead, Jim! Dead, Jim! Dead, Jim!
It’s worse than that! He’s dead, Jim! Dead, Jim! Dead!”
Spock: “It’s life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it.
It’s life, Jim, but not as we know it.
Not as we know it Captain.”
Uhura: “There’s Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow
There’s Klingons on the starboard bow,
Starboard bow Jim.”
(Starship Captain James T. Kirk!)
Kirk: “We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, shoot to kill!
We come in peace, shoot to kill! Shoot to kill men!
McCoy: “It’s worse than that! He’s dead, Jim! Dead, Jim! Dead, Jim!
It’s worse than that! He’s dead, Jim! Dead, Jim! Dead!”
Spock: “It’s life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it.
It’s life, Jim, but not as we know it.
Not as we know it Captain.”
Uhura: “There’s Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow
There’s Klingons on the starboard bow
Scrape ‘em off, Jim!”
Star Trekkin’ across the universe
On the Starship Enterprise, under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin’ across the universe
Boldly going forward, and things are getting worse!”
(Engine Room: Mister Scott!)
Scotty: “Ye cannae change the laws of physics, laws of physics, laws of physics!
Ye cannae change the laws of physics, laws of physics Jim!”
Kirk: “We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, shoot to kill!
We come in peace, shoot to kill! Scotty, beam me up!
McCoy: “It’s worse than that! He’s dead, Jim! Dead, Jim! Dead, Jim!
It’s worse than that! He’s dead, Jim! Dead, Jim! Dead!”
Spock: “It’s life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it.
It’s life, Jim, but not as we know it.
Not as we know it Captain.”
Uhura: “There’s Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow
There’s Klingons on the starboard bow,
Starboard bow Jim.”
Scotty: “Ye cannae change the laws of --- ach, see you Jimmy!”
McCoy: “It’s worse than that! It’s finished, Jim!”
Kirk: “Bridge to Engine Room, Warp Factor Nine!
Scotty: “Ach! If I give it any more she’ll blow, Captain!”
Star Trekkin’ across the universe
On the Starship Enterprise, under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin’ across the universe
Boldly going forward, cos we can’t find reverse!”