ladyislingering

It would seem a lot of therapists are uncaring for those of us with BPD. I was diagnosed when I was 19. I've had some major, incredible lows. I've learned to internalize a lot of the shitty things that would make people hate me but it's a daily struggle. Shit, it's an hourly struggle.

Recently I've been in a generally decent mood (though I often find myself terribly wary of the people around me, especially those that I'm slowly becoming partial to, or have softened myself to - I go between wanting to help everyone, wanting to feel some sort of compassion for a lot of people in hopes that it'll make me feel like a better person, to just straight up hating everyone or feeling that they hate me) and I've just been really well for a few weeks. No major lows.

I'm mending my relationship with alcohol and have realized that I can now enjoy it without wanting to get drunk, without using it as a tool to numb myself or my brain or whatever, and that's really major for me.

My insecurities have seemingly lessened, though I still feel that the majority of my relatives will die with the seed of hatred planted for me, in their souls. I'm needlessly paranoid a lot of the time about things that don't matter.

BPD is a terrible, unforgiving sickness. I read somewhere... someone described those suffering with it as "3rd degree burn victims of the psychiatric world" or something like that. I felt that was a substantial way of explaining it. The highs are so, so high, so wonderful, so intense ... the lows... are devastating. The healing process for the smallest of offenses throughout the years ... is lengthy, arduous, ongoing.

I hope you have the resources to keep yourself well (enough).

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