1.12 "Miracle on Third or Fourth Street"
It's Christmas and Frasier is looking forward to seeing his son for the first time in years. Unfortunately it doesn't happen as a better opportunity comes up and Freddie's going to Austria instead. Frasier flies into a sulk, then a rage and refuses to go up to the log cabin to which all four of them --- Niles, Maris, Martin and Frasier --- were supposed to be going to spend Christmas. He decides to oblige Bulldog, who had asked him to take his slot on Christmas Day, but of course only the loneliest, saddest people are listening to the radio at such a time, and he just gets more depressed.
After the show he goes for something to eat, but the only place he can find that's open or not booked out is a greasy spoon, where he makes friends with some homeless guys. He finishes his meal and goes to leave, then discovers to his embarrassment that he has left his wallet back at the station, but the homeless guys all club together to help him out, thinking he is one of them. It's the selfless outpouring of human kindness that he's been waiting for, looking for, hoping for all day. His own personal little Christmas miracle. Even if he is humiliated in the process.
QUOTES
Frasier: "Niles! What brings you here?"
Niles: "Oh I just dropped by to ask Daphne's opinion on a little present I got for Maris."
(Daphne emerges from her room, clad in a short, skintight dress and twirls.)
Daphne: "It's a bit tight under the arms. Shall I put back on the little red one so you can make your choice?"
Frasier (witheringly): "I think Niles has all the information he needs."
Daphne: "Fair enough." (Returns to her room, Niles watching her retreating behind longingly.)
Niles (defensively): "You know, Daphne and Maris are about the same size."
Frasier: "Give or take a foot!"
THE DRY WIT OF ROZ
Bulldog: "You can tell Father Mike has had a few: he's trying to get everyone to re-enact the Nativity scene!"
Roz: "Well, we know who we can get to play the ass!"
AND ISN'T THAT...?
Rosemary Clooney plays Gladys and Mel Brooks voices Tom. Who voices Barry, who does little but cry on his call, I don't know. Oh wait: yes I do. It's Ben Stiller. Well, if I had as little acting talent as him I'd cry too. Also features Dominick Dunne as Jeff and Eric Stolz as Don.
1.13 "Guess who's coming to breakfast?"
Frasier is a little embarrassed to find that his father's date stayed over from the previous night, but once he's got past that (and made a show of himself in front of Elaine) he is happy for his dad. Unfortunately he says so on the air, using names which was totally inappropriate. His father is not happy with his personal laundry being aired in public, so Frasier has to try to make it better. He goes on-air and asks Elaine to talk to his father, tells her he misses her and she should not hold Martin responsible for Frasier's mistake. He sets up a special romantic dinner in his apartment, hoping Elaine will come.
It backfires though, as everyone else in the building has heard the broadcast and thinking it the most romantic thing in the world, treat it as some sort of soap opera and further embarrass poor Elaine. It's up to Martin to try to convince her to give it another go.
QUOTES
Maryann: "Kids! You can't live with 'em, you can't shove 'em back in the womb!"
Frasier: "I need you to take dad out on Friday night."
Niles: "Oh! I wish you had said Saturday."
Frasier: "You have plans on Friday?"
Niles: "No, I have plans on Saturday."
Frasier: "Oh Niles! Nobody refers to sex as "getting lucky" any more!"
Niles: "I do."
I'd like now to reconfigure this section. As with my other series "And isn't that...?" will refer to guest stars who should be well known, but for the guest callers I'll be putting them in a separate section which I'm now going to call
THANKS FOR CALLING
Piper Laurie as Marieann, Elijah Wood as Ethan and Henry Mancini as Al
CHILDHOOD REVISITED
One of the endearing things about "Frasier" is that although the main character and his brother are grown men, references are often made to their growing up, and their father can, with a word or a gesture often make them feel like little kids again. It's quite funny to see these two forty-year olds argue like children and be verbally slapped down by Martin, showing us that no matter how old they get in years, Frasier and Niles are at heart still two bickering little boys. It's also heartening to see the effect a well-chosen word from their father can have on these two grown and professional men.
Here, Frasier is made to feel the naughty kid twice. When he returns to the apartment after having spoken about his father's private affairs on air, Martin tells him he wants a word with him and calls him "mister", obviously an epithet that evokes times when he was in trouble in Frasier's mind, as he grins "Sounds like someone's being taken out behind the woodshed!" to which Martin snaps "Don't tempt me!"
But far more effective is the closing scenes when Martin, tired of his son interfering in his life, orders him to face the wall. And he does. It's clear that no matter how old Frasier --- or Niles --- get, they're still as respectful and in some ways fearful of their old man, to the point where they can still get an earbashing or a ticking-off. It's also interesting that Martin can still picture his sons, even dressed in Armani and driving BMWs, as the little kids he helped his wife raise decades ago. At times, Frasier and Niles will always be his little boys.
1.14 "Can't buy me love"
Against his better judgement, Frasier has agreed to participate in a Batchelors' Auction for charity, as a favour to his dad. Bulldog has also agreed. Luckily, Frasier has been bought by a total babe and he is most happy. Bulldog has been bought by ... Daphne! She had started bidding when the action slowed and is now aghast to find that her bid was the only one, so she is stuck with him. Frasier makes an arrangement to meet Christina, his new "owner", but it turns out that she has been called to a shoot --- she's a model, of course! --- at the last moment and asks him if he could babysit her daughter. Left with no choice Frasier agrees.
Things do not go well. Frasier is not good with children and Renata is a typical product of the modern world, spending all her time on the phone to her friends, sulking and throwing cheetos to Eddie. She then starts badmouthing her mother, telling Frasier that she is a bad parent who hates her, which surprisingly, considering he's talking to a child who is annoyed at having been left with a man she does not know, Frasier believes. Bulldog seems to have met his match in Daphne, who is totally squiffy and gets him involved in a fight with a much bigger man.
When Frasier --- again, how can he be so stupid? --- confronts Christina about her qualfications for motherhood it of course transpires that Renata was lying, and nothing she said is true. Frasier though, in choosing to blindly believe the little girl --- why? --- has scuppered any chances of having a romantic night with the woman, who stalks off, highly affronted, and well she might be.
QUOTES
Daphne: "Why does Maris take the train? Why doesn't she fly to Chicago?"
Niles: "She won't fly, ever since that harrowing incident."
Daphne: "Oh dear! Did the plane nearly crash?"
Niles: "No. She was bumped down from First Class. She still wakes up screaming."
Martin: "Relax willya?"
Frasier: "That's easy for you to say! You're not the one jumping into the rottweiler pit with a pork chop around your neck!"
TJ: "It was horrible! They're like sharks out there, a feeding frenzy! The one who bought me had a crazy look in her eye!" (Enter Roz, looking hungry)
Roz: "Where do I pay?"
Frasier: "Child development is not my thing. My area of expertise is adult relations."
Christina: "Well, you won't be having any of those tonight!"
Christina: "Oh, and I only have one kidney: guess who has the other one?"
As there are no scenes in the station this episode we have no guest callers to mention.
EGGHEAD
I've alluded to it above but really, come on! Frasier can't be that gullible. A twelve-year old moody girl who has been, as she sees it, dumped by her mother with an unknown man, tells him pretty horrible things about that mother and Frasier, a perfectly well-balanced and intelligent and experienced individual, not to mention a practicing psychiatrist! --- believes her without a shred of proof? He doesn't even ASK Christina, even in some oblique way (asking to see her alleged tattoo would be a start, or how old the child is) to try to suss out the truth before he blunders right in and accuses her of being a bad mother! Are we really supposed to believe that a man so well used to dealing with the human heart and mind could honestly make such a mistake, which ends up costing him not only his evening, but potentially a real relationship?