It seems like my friends only like me when I'm happy and joking. Now when I'm not nobody wants to be with me or even talk to me. I admit that I may be annoying but I would be happy if my friends could even talk with me seriously sometimes or something. That's what friends are for.
But no. I would like to ba like they want me to be but I feel unable. After all, I'm mildly depressed, at least I have been and I'm not over it yet and also I guess I have some kind of panic disorder or something cos I find it hard to be a part of a big group.
When I'm with a group I usually talk too much,do too much, I act like a clown or something and then I burn down. I find it hard to be myself. I'm trying to be someone else and people expect me to be someone else is really am.
Also my doctor said I got a heart disorder or something. It is because he said I'm always stressed when I'm with people so my heart beats out of time and unrhytmically and he said I would need drugs for it.
I dunno if he's gonna give me drugs for my heart of for my mind...probably I would need both.
Sorry for that, but I had to let these things out. And I have got nearly nobody to speak...but I'm trying to not post these long complaints here.
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