6. Motorhead:
Psyche! If you actually thought Lemmy was a poseur then you just made the list.
5. Linkin Park:
(Trollheart: This band suck so much I couldn't find a reasonably small picture of them! This is the smallest I could find: one was five thousand pixels! Yeah, that's what I said...) 
The name should tell you all you need to know about how much this bands blows. Nu metal was all set to die and then comes along these asshats sounding like a whinier version of Limp Bizkit. Seriously has anyone actually listened to "One Step Closer" past the age of twenty? I heard it on the radio a year or so ago and almost s
hit myself laughing at how unintentionally hilarious it was. That song might just be the biggest abortion this side of "Droppin' Plates".
And what the f
uck is up with that "rapper"? He's actually worse than Fred Durst. How do you even
do that?
4. Bring Me the Horizon:
(Trollheart: Same with these. Wait a minute, I'm making a connection here. The crappier and more Poseur the band, the bigger photos their fans have to put up on the net to compensate for the awful music they play...)
There's certainly a testicle load of s
hitty deathcore bands out there, but most are at least genuine in their attempt to "bring death metal forward" (i.e. suck) Bring Me the Horizon however are the biggest steaming pile of poseur in the fringecore scene. For on, though they may be called deathcore all they've really done is awkwardly weld some earlobe-stretchingly derivative death metal influences onto the dullest possible melodic metalcore. Lyrically they're even worse. They can try to throw in some tough guy bug snot all they want, but the none-more-emo, honey-hide-the-razor-blades-and-the-Aspirin-I-think-Jimmy's-crying-in-his-room-again s
hite in their songs belies the truth.
P.S. Whoever thought up the name "Bring Me the Horizon" should be made to eat a peanut butter and dead spider sandwich.
P.P.S. Oli Sykes is an emo fashion designer. Not to sound like a Neanderthal, but fashionistas are gay.
3. Mötley Crüe:
It pains me to include the Crüe, but poseurs is poseurs. Their first two releases were some of my all-time favorite albums and, for better or worse, helped to inspire a genre of music that would leave its mark upon the world with a trail of empty syringes and deflowered virgins. But having accomplished this they decided to become parodies of themselves, release two shamefully mediocre albums, and use their careers merely as a means to acquire as many controlled substances as they could possibly drink, snort, and inject into their veins. The last is normally a laudable goal, but under the circumstances...not so much. And most egregious of all they unleashed the hair metal power ballad upon the world (yeah, yeah, we all secretly like "Home Sweet Home" but you can't deny that it has been responsible for a great deal of evil.)
They redeemed themselves a bit with
Dr. Feelgood, and though it was still rather poseurish, it at least had the decency to kick a relatively sufficient amount of ass. And extra points to Nikki Sixx for using his heroin overdose to write one of the greatest feel-good (
) party anthems of all time.
And to follow up a seeming victory they proceeded to record two...something-or-other albums in a pathetically desperate attempt to stay relevant after the fall of glam. Honestly I don't even know how to talk about those albums cause I can't even bring myself to listen to the damn things all the way through.
And f
uck Tommy Lee.
(Trollheart: I thought he was quite good in "The Fugitive" to be honest, and he didn't totally suck in "Men in Black" either...)
2. Limp Bizkit:
It's kinda pointless to even mention these twats. I know they're poseurs, you know they're poseurs, hell, even Fred Durst probably thinks Limp Bizkit sucks. But leaving them off the list would be like leaving Manowar's
Kings of Metal off one of
Rolling Stone Magazine's best albums of all time list. There's not much to say honestly, in as artless a way as possible they combine s
hitty alt-metal with rap so atrocious that the Insane Clown Posse are jealous while Fred Durst proceeds to take a dump in your ear canal.
1. Varg Vikernes:
This might seem like an odd choice since Burzum's music is pretty much the antithesis of poseur music, which is why I said Varg and not Burzum, because Varg's attention seeking behavior qualifies him as the world's biggest f
ucking poseur.
So far as I can tell the whole black metal "Evil" schtick was started by Euronymous of Mayhem and not Varg, but Euronymous just kind of seems like a creepy goofball with too much time on his hands whereas Varg took the idea and really ran with it. But talking about evil wasn't enough so he wanted to show the rest of the black metal clique just what an alpha wolf he was so he went and burned a few churches, which of course led his retard friends to do the same. Not content with this level of attention seeking he then contacted the media and basically said, "Not that I've burned any churches or anything, but if I
had..." When this of course blew up in his face and he, shockingly, found himself arrested for arson, he apparently decided that evil and Satanism were passé, so he now "one-upped" himself and all of a sudden he was now an Odinist-neo-Nazi.
If that wasn't poseurish enough his historical revisionism is more than sufficient to land him in the "Poseur Hall of Fame". Over the years he's claimed to have been misquoted, his activities exaggerated, and that downright lies have been told about him. The church burnings were not in fact the work of a bored, disturbed youth looking for a cheap thrill, they were an act of righteous terrorism against the Christian church that had destroyed the culture and religion of his Viking ancestors. Never mind the fact that no one who knows Varg can remember him being an Odinist nationalist at the time. And apparently he's been a Nazi since he was a kid and was even a skinhead as a teen. It's strange then that, again, nobody remembers this. Not even
his own mother.
So not only is Varg Vikernes a murdering psychopath, he's also the world's biggest f
ucking poseur to boot.