Quote:
Originally Posted by The Batlord
You are scum. Dane Cook is the worst person on Earth. Not for being morally bad, but just because he's so unfunny that it's a crime against humanity. All he can do is tell otherwise entertaining stories that he ruins by acting self-consciously quirky, and anytime he makes an honest-to-god joke it just falls flatter than Gwen Stefani's chest. I hope his brother fired him.
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A friend of mine from NH told a story about 12 years about seeing the biggest
comedy bomb ever laid in Boston by a troupe we found out (5 years later on
Letterman when he told the same story, from the POV of being onstage) was
Dane Cook and two other lame M'er F'ers, I will quote:
"The show was called "Rock of Boston" and it included the following acts,
alternating between two stages at opposite ends of the Boston Garden floor,
in this order:
Material Issue (with their big single, "What Geeeels Want")
Michael Penn (who is always fantastic)
The...ummm...Revellers? Something like that. Nobody cared.
Jeffrey Gaines (better than I expected)
Spin Doctors (who were HUGE at the time)
the lamest comedy act in the history of man
Phish
Okay. You may have noticed that one of these acts is a bit out of place.
WBCN, the Boston radio station that sponsored this whole thing, had held
some kind of comedy contest. Out of God knows how many comedy acts,
this three-man troupe had won the grand prize: a slot at Rock of Boston.
Absolultely brilliant. Boston Garden, packed with people, just having seen
what I must admit was a very good Spin Doctors set, totally psyched up to
see Phish, and out come these three comedy guys. Good God.
The audience crushed them utterly. These poor guys were completely drowned
out by the booing. So after about five minutes, the emcee guy comes out to
calm the crowd and asks politely for everyone to please give these guys a chance,
they're good guys and all that...yeah right. The crowd quieted down for about
twenty seconds and it started up again. It was insane, it was totally wrong, and
yet it was wonderful in a way. Then the comedy guys made their biggest mistake.
One of them came to the front of the stage and gave his "come on guys" speech.
We worked really hard on this, and we're just trying to do our thing, and we just
want to give you guys a good time, that sort of thing. If you've never been part
of a massive mob conspiracy to agree to humor three guys for a total of fifteen
seconds, believe me it's an amazing thing. Everyone quited down for a second, like
"oh we're sorry, no really, go ahead and do your comedy act ((snicker)) no really
((snicker)) we're listening, we'll be good ((snicker))." Thousands of people all doing
this at once. Amazing. So the guy says "okay we're going to try one more thing
for you" and they go into the most cliched martial arts movie bit
ever, with the two guys acting out the movie while the third guy dubs the
voices. It was so sad. You're in a ****ing colisseum, nobody can see your
lips moving frantically while the other guy does the voices! And that's
pretty much the whole joke. So obviously the crowd immediately said
"psych!" and screamed them off the stage. As they finally gave up and
walked off, everyone went into "Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye" and it was
great.
Then we sat there for the next half hour (they were still setting up the
other stage for Phish) with no entertainment apart from the glow of our
collective accomplishment. It was so cool. That comedy act brought the
crowd together in a way none of the musical acts possibly could. It was
like Woodstock only more cruel. I'll never forget it."