@ GB: I feel really bad for you man, though of course I have no answers. I hope coming here talking to us makes it a smidgeon better, and that it will in time sort itself out for you. You strike me as a really genuine guy and I really hope things get better for you. You know we're all here, so , cliche #23,670: lean on us.
As for me: meh, never had a girlfriend, ever, but I did have someone I (thought I) loved, who knew full well I was (as I thought, maybe I was) in love with her and was quite uncomfortable about it but remained a "friend". She would make very hurtful comments off the cuff, like "what if you and I were married?" knowing that at the time such a thing would be my dream, and when she became pregnant (not by me I hasten to add) I actually offered to marry her so the child would have a father. Jesus, what an idiot!
Turns out she was just using me for what she could get. Look, throw all the "stupid dickhead" comments you want my way when you hear this, I agree with them all.
I paid all her utility bills.
I paid for her washing machine.
I paid for her TV
I paid the insurance on her car
I paid for her to join the AA (Automobile Association, breakdown service)
I put something like 300 Euro a month (out of my takehome salary of probably 1500) in an account for her
It all blew up one evening when she came down to my aunt's house, where I was REALLY sick and trying to recover, demanded to know why her money was not in the account, then promptly "ended it" (whatever "it" was) with me. It was only then I managed to drag open my eyes and see what a complete fool I had been. Look at the signs and you'll see how totally blind I was:
1. She NEVER came down to my house (we lived about 15 mins apart) unless she wanted something, either something done on the computer or a loan of money
2. She almost never called me; I had to call her
3. I very often got her answering machine (no voicemail back then) and seldom got a callback
4. If we went out, I paid for every single thing (which is fine, as I stated in the "Feminism" thread: I'm okay doing that and think that's how it should be anyway)
5. She regularly cancelled "dates" at the last moment
6. She regularly told me she'd ring me but did not, then accused me of treating her as if she were my girlfriend if I dared ring her asking why she didnt call me when she said she would
7. She allowed me to call her "honey" but only when it suited her, she regularly snapped at me about this. In fairness, I suppose that was acceptable, but then SHE would call ME honey...!
8. She used me to make her ex-boyfriend jealous
9. When she needed money she'd never say it outright but would literally cry on the phone ("I don't know if they're going to cut off my electricity" etc) so that she could never be accused of asking for the money, but it came down to the same thing.
10. She teased me about lingerie shoots she had done, promising I'd see the photos "one day". I never did, of course, if they existed.
11. One of our dates she wore a miniskirt but a big long coat too, and when she took the coat off in the restaurant and I complimented her she took offence
12. She pointedly stayed away from my mother's funeral, her only excuse being that she didn't like funerals --- who does? --- yet I was there to support her the whole day when her sister died
13. She used me to get a temporary job where I worked
14. In the end, when she could see I was actually standing up for myself she dropped me as a friend after over ten years, called me evil and cut off all contact.
Wow! Can I pick 'em, or what? Is that the most pathetic case of infatuation and manipulation you have ever heard?
