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Paedantic Basterd · 06-17-2013, 11:29 AM

Welcome to Dirty Laundry, a fun article where I am going to strip down and expose myself as I explore all of the musical missteps of my misguided teenage years. Here I will comb through my LastFM library for all of the atrocious artists of my youth who I have tried to bury in the laundry pile, and I will shake anybody loose who has five or fewer total plays and subject myself to a complete piece of their work.

It should be gross. It should be embarrassing. It should be dirty. But best of all, it should be fun.

A Burning Water - We Can See the Sky From Here (2005)

Total Plays: 1
What I Remember: Absolutely nothing. It came out in 2005, during the height of the emo-pop-punk glory days, and the band name suggests sugary guitar riffs and screamed choruses. It has an RYM rating of 2.77. Promising. Also, it's well over an hour long. WHY.

01 Introduction There's the babble of a concert crowd, probably straight-edge. Some faint guitar distortion. A hollow drum beat and some deep rumbling bass. It meanders. There's the melodic lead guitar. CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG AND--

02 So Much You Hide Oh, there are the slightly-uplifting Yellowcardy power chords I expected. The introduction ends abruptly in the middle of the second song, then a whiny voice starts belting. I can't really get over the decision to give the introduction its own track, run it 30 seconds into the second track, then start the new track with an obvious moment's rest. Are they trying to make a "real album"? I would move away from this question, but I can't actually understand the lyrics.

03 Out in the Dark TISH TISH TISH TISH TISH TISH TISH TISH SCREEE: Distortion riff. Screaming. Gang vocals. A sung chorus about thinking differently from your parents' values. Spoken word bridge.

04 Missiles and Markers Man these bands love their delay pedals. WE CAPTURE TIME AND SPACE WE MADE IT RELATIVE TO THEEEE OCEAAAAN. What? Was this album written during the first term of a high school physics class?

05 In Failed Attempts If all of the songs on one album are this similar, I wonder if I should even bother reviewing more of this genre. There is only so much to be said for this stuff, really. OH GUITAR HERO SOLO.

06 This is a Test CHK-A CHK-CHK CHK-A CHK-CHK WUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH WAUUUUGH AUUUUGH WUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH (Wuaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuugh auuuugh!) WUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH THIS IS AUUUUGHRRRRR BEST CHANCE AUUUUUGHHHHHHHHH (We are the lost!) WUAAAAAAAAAAAAGH HAVE WE FORGOT ABOUT THE WORDS WE ALWAYS SEEM TO NEVER KNOW THIS IS THE PLACE WHERE WE RO-FRAIN THIS IS THE PLACE WE ALWAYYYYYYS GOOOOOOO (WUAAAAAAAAAHHHHH).

07 Retract AUUUUUUUUUGH. Lyrics. AUUUURGH. I take it that this stretch of the album was penned during the angry months of senior year, and encompasses all of the curfews, slammed doors, and squealing tires that television has led me to believe encompasses American youth. There's a line about being held back. I'd like to believe the next one goes "a year, because I failed my English class".

08 Instrumental Watery, delayed atmospherics and a trumpet that sounds like a wet fart.

09 These Ruins A run of the mill power-song with drawn out vocals and heavy chugging. Well, I must admit that I am moved. To unplug my laptop and chuck it off the deck.

10 A Passing Wish Song starts with a tinkly delayed guitar line and softly sung lyrics slurred together in that faintly-British pop-punk accent popularized by Fall Out Boy. I'm not sure what is happening, but I think someone has either died or been dumped, which to be fair are interchangeable events at 16.

11 Patience is Me No, patience is ME having listened to this entire album.

Conclusion: I just predicted an hour's worth of music based on an album cover and band name. I wonder, is it worthwhile to continue to review these albums in this fashion? Is it worthwhile to read about it? How much can be said for the generational equivalent to hair metal?

06-17-2013, 11:29 AM	#10 (permalink)
Paedantic Basterd Music Addict Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 5,184	Welcome to Dirty Laundry, a fun article where I am going to strip down and expose myself as I explore all of the musical missteps of my misguided teenage years. Here I will comb through my LastFM library for all of the atrocious artists of my youth who I have tried to bury in the laundry pile, and I will shake anybody loose who has five or fewer total plays and subject myself to a complete piece of their work. It should be gross. It should be embarrassing. It should be dirty. But best of all, it should be fun. A Burning Water - We Can See the Sky From Here (2005) Total Plays: 1 What I Remember: Absolutely nothing. It came out in 2005, during the height of the emo-pop-punk glory days, and the band name suggests sugary guitar riffs and screamed choruses. It has an RYM rating of 2.77. Promising. Also, it's well over an hour long. WHY. 01 Introduction There's the babble of a concert crowd, probably straight-edge. Some faint guitar distortion. A hollow drum beat and some deep rumbling bass. It meanders. There's the melodic lead guitar. CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG AND-- 02 So Much You Hide Oh, there are the slightly-uplifting Yellowcardy power chords I expected. The introduction ends abruptly in the middle of the second song, then a whiny voice starts belting. I can't really get over the decision to give the introduction its own track, run it 30 seconds into the second track, then start the new track with an obvious moment's rest. Are they trying to make a "real album"? I would move away from this question, but I can't actually understand the lyrics. 03 Out in the Dark TISH TISH TISH TISH TISH TISH TISH TISH SCREEE: Distortion riff. Screaming. Gang vocals. A sung chorus about thinking differently from your parents' values. Spoken word bridge. 04 Missiles and Markers Man these bands love their delay pedals. WE CAPTURE TIME AND SPACE WE MADE IT RELATIVE TO THEEEE OCEAAAAN. What? Was this album written during the first term of a high school physics class? 05 In Failed Attempts If all of the songs on one album are this similar, I wonder if I should even bother reviewing more of this genre. There is only so much to be said for this stuff, really. OH GUITAR HERO SOLO. 06 This is a Test CHK-A CHK-CHK CHK-A CHK-CHK WUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH WAUUUUGH AUUUUGH WUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH (Wuaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuugh auuuugh!) WUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH THIS IS AUUUUGHRRRRR BEST CHANCE AUUUUUGHHHHHHHHH (We are the lost!) WUAAAAAAAAAAAAGH HAVE WE FORGOT ABOUT THE WORDS WE ALWAYS SEEM TO NEVER KNOW THIS IS THE PLACE WHERE WE RO-FRAIN THIS IS THE PLACE WE ALWAYYYYYYS GOOOOOOO (WUAAAAAAAAAHHHHH). 07 Retract AUUUUUUUUUGH. Lyrics. AUUUURGH. I take it that this stretch of the album was penned during the angry months of senior year, and encompasses all of the curfews, slammed doors, and squealing tires that television has led me to believe encompasses American youth. There's a line about being held back. I'd like to believe the next one goes "a year, because I failed my English class". 08 Instrumental Watery, delayed atmospherics and a trumpet that sounds like a wet fart. 09 These Ruins A run of the mill power-song with drawn out vocals and heavy chugging. Well, I must admit that I am moved. To unplug my laptop and chuck it off the deck. 10 A Passing Wish Song starts with a tinkly delayed guitar line and softly sung lyrics slurred together in that faintly-British pop-punk accent popularized by Fall Out Boy. I'm not sure what is happening, but I think someone has either died or been dumped, which to be fair are interchangeable events at 16. 11 Patience is Me No, patience is ME having listened to this entire album. Conclusion: I just predicted an hour's worth of music based on an album cover and band name. I wonder, is it worthwhile to continue to review these albums in this fashion? Is it worthwhile to read about it? How much can be said for the generational equivalent to hair metal? Last edited by Paedantic Basterd; 06-17-2013 at 01:23 PM.