OK, well I read it. Honestly, didn't make me fall about the place laughing but I don't think that was your intent (I'm not well up on comedies these days anyway); some good parts were "twincest", the "hey mister you lost our ball" and the "I did a poo!" thing. Very well written; I could see everything happening and even sort of hear the voices. Loved the flashback of the guy dragging the body through the woods --- "Why do you have two baths?" Class.
All in all, not riproaringly funny all the way but it did make me smile, and I think it could certainly have a future. I'd be interested in reading more. For 27 pages it didn't drag or seem to take forever either. Great job!
