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TockTockTock · 02-18-2013, 12:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThePhanastasio

You seem to have the same issue I had for a while: Clouding anything resembling emotion with flowery prose and punctuation. I seriously advise, now, against using parentheticals. There are exceptions, but just using them stylistically, they really don't add anything to the emotions of the piece. Also, this piece isn't something a reader can connect with. It's too goddamned vague. Again, another problem I had. There are (possibly) good ideas here, but it's not relatable, it's vague, and it's ultimately just semi-related words jumbled together to sound pretty. Remember, when you're writing something, it may be for you, but other people are going to read it, too - especially if you're wont to share. Make it relatable at least. If you have something to say, then, by all means, say it. Don't jumble upon a vague concept with pretty language and think that you're deep because that's where just about every wannabe poet I've met has fallen short in their beginning phases, and cringed upon afterwards.

Poetry says something. Poetry isn't linguistic masturbation.

Yes, I've received this sort of criticism in the past. I think you're right, too. I do hide emotion behind abstractions and "flowery prose." However, I'm a bit confused as to why you chose the first poem and not the second and/or third. The first, in my opinion, is not at all vague and actually rather direct. In my mind at least, it's clearly depicting nighttime and how the immensity of the universe is a bit humbling. Maybe if I titled it "Nighttime," it might make more sense? Also... none of the words within the poem are semi-related either... They were carefully chosen and put together.

You are right, though. Most of the poetry I write are more like linguistic exercises. Trying to find new and different ways of expressing something, etc. I should try being more relatable.