Christmas on the open road --- Various Artists --- 2008 (Oh who really cares?)
Man, these terrible Christmas albums have really taken it out of me! I couldn't even be bothered to find out what label this is on, but there's one good thing about this crummy album: it's the last in our series. I have no idea at all what it's about. Sounds like the sort of thing truckers might record, songs about being away from their families maybe, but I can't be sure. I know none of the artists featured on it, although I've heard of Taylor Swift. The songs? They seem to be a mixture of standards like "Silent night", "The first Noel" and Elvis's "Blue Christmas" and I suppose original songs with titles like "Christmases when you were mine", "Papers angels" and "21st century Christmas", and someone called Russell de Carle sings "I got the blues for Christmas". I know how ya feel, man!
There's also some godawful song I've never heard before --- and hope never to hear again! --- called "Hockey sweater", not to mention "Christmas in jail", which, judging from the performances of some of the artistes here, is what they should be looking forward to! What is the point of this album? Then again, that's really a question you could ask about the last twenty-four albums in this series I guess.
TRACKLISTING
1. Christmas must be something more (Taylor Swift)
2. Merry Christmas to all (Doc Walker)
3. Silent night (Johnny Reid)
4. I wanna be your Santa Claus (Willie Mack/Jason McCoy)
5. Paper angels (Jimmie Wayne)
6. 21st century Christmas (Jaydee Bixby)
7. The first Noel (The Higgins)
8. I've got the blues for Christmas (Russell de Carle)
9. Auld lang syne (Jack Ingram)
10. Blue Christmas (Tara Oram)
11. Christmas in jail (Prairie Oyster)
12. Christmases when you were mine (Taylor Swift)
13. Hockey sweater (Dala)
I conceived this notion late in November, and initially wanted to make this a countdown to the very worst Christmas album ever, but quickly realised I had not the time to listen to each album, possibly more than once, so as to judge and place them. Not that these are albums you'd really want to listen to any more than once in any case, if at all! But it would have been cool to have crowned one album the Christmas Turkey. Still, what can you do? Perhaps next year I'll try listing the
best Christmas albums. Probably a short list though.
In any case, I hope you've enjoyed this satirical and gently humourous look at some of the albums released down the years over the festive season. I think you'll agree some were worse than others, some not so bad, and some so awful they should be forever locked away from human sight. Had we rated them, I feel sure the likes of the albums from The Kelly Family, James Last, Star Wars and that Irish Christmas one would have had a good shot at getting in there at the top, not to mention The Waltons and A Country Christmas! Ah, so many terrible albums, so little time!
Finally, if by some chance you happen to like any of my selections, as I said at the start, don't take offence. It's all in fun, and no slight is meant. Christmas is a time for japes and frolics, after all, and if you can't laugh at this time then when can you? Hope this list raised a few smiles, and all that's left to say is have yourselves a very happy Christmas, wherever you are, whatever you're doing, and whatever you choose to listen to.
See you after Christmas!
Trollheart.