lyrics/poetry *Newbie* plz comment
I'm new & just lookin for some criticism... constructive preferably, but all comments are welcome... i wont take anything personally so don't hold back.
i just put thoughts and emotions down randomly, so most everything is incomplete... i try not to force anything...
-----
the lights grow brighter
and the colors much sharper/
a warm breeze runs in
and the world sees her...
letting go and
falling down slowly/
feeling the changes
in this beautiful story/
the stars are falling
faster and faster/
so long and goodbye
happily ever after/
-------
part I
the roses are dead, lost out at sea/
the violets so few, chopped down by greed/
at once i loved you, at once you loved me/
the song in our heart, skips every beat/
part II
tired, the performers, have taken a seat/
the crowd grows restless, with a stage empty/
i'm afraid to inform, there is no last scene/
a puzzle so close, but missing a piece/
-------
may I walk in those shoes
smile as you do
stand on a pedastal
take in the view
all that fresh air
the bright sunshine
no wonder reality
left you behind
-------
i wait for
surprises under the christmas tree/
rain delays
and answer sheets/
i wait for
one more wish by shooting stars/
angel wings
and flying cars/
chorus-
i'm starting to choke
floating in space/
the stars are smiling
as i leave this place/
|