Really like the second one. It flows well, and is just beautiful to read. Especially the "Hold up the last star you saw (it’s light permeating the sickly air) by moonlight we march in awe (our silhouettes faint under heaven’s stare)" lines.
The first one I'm almost indifferent to. The "wars are fought for time
children put to the sword
seems the only true escape from time is through the sword" lines really confuse the **** out of me.
Seems like you are trying to symbolize something, yet you have to explain it to an extent where it's not symbolism. Don't know if that makes sense to you...it's hard for me to put my finger on it.
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a man, a plan, a canal, panama
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