What is it about living in Ireland that annoys me most? Is it the string of incompetent governments we've had over the last ten or more years? The rising rate of inflation? The political scandals, the devaluing Euro or the absolute gall of our current government (puppets of European masters) has in asking us to vote for a treaty which will forever ensure we pay back irresponsible and uncaring speculative investors? Is it the fact that it rains so much here? Or even the fact that so many are emigrating to find jobs, and that if I had children I would at some point be waving them goodbye at Dublin Airport or down at Dublin Port as they headed off to search for a new life, one in which they can be appreciated, valued and contribute to society?
Well, yes, all those things anger and annoy me. But the biggest daily annoyance, embarrassment and fly in the ointment to my mind is
How can two totally inexperienced, pointless brothers completely lacking in talent be now the bloody ambassadors for this country? They've represented us at Eurovision TWICE (thank God they haven't won either time), kids love them, they're role models for thousands, probably millions, and they DO NOTHING! They don't write songs, they don't play instruments, and they certainly don't sing. The best that can be said of them is that they sort of cavort about onstage like two totally immature idiots (which they are) and hope that people don't see through them (which they don't). Has it now come to a point where talent is not only irrelevant, but actually discouraged? In a world where you can be famous for being famous, is it no longer necessary to do anything, just to make an impression?
When these two gombeens appeared on the X-Factor they were laughed at by Cowell, who has been known to champion more than one questionable artist, so when he sneers and says you're no good he usually has good reason, and good instincts. But they were let through, and though they didn't win the contest, they might as well have, as our very own Louis Walsh, possibly needing a new wing built on his castle, signed them and unleashed them on the public. Now even the president is talking about them, and no doubt soon they'll have an audience with the pope (if they haven't already done so). In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if His Holiness travelled to see THEM! No, seriously, I know that wouldn't happen, but in this mad world it seems anything can.
WHAT is the appeal? Okay, so the young kids think they're great because they're just like them, and they do what they want to do, but come on! How long is that sort of attitude going to last? How long before you're found out? Well, if the Irish people (and, let's be fair, you lot outside Ireland too: you have as much to answer for as the stupid people of my native Ireland!) have their way, probably never, as they seem happy to lavish praise upon praise, award upon award and honour upon honour on these two talentless brothers. Their parents must be very proud (and probably still don't understand how this happened).
It's obviously paying off though. In 2009 these idiots were unknown, and three years later they're reported to be worth almost five million! I ****ing hate them, but even more I hate the machinery of populist --- what shall we call it? I know: let me invent another word! --- sheepery --- that created these two dancing, grinning, cavorting little monsters. I suppose you can't blame the two lads --- they do a lot of good charity work, and that can never be denigrated --- if people make you famous then milk it, why not? Make your money while you can, cos it will not last, that's for certain: can you see them doing their ridiculous act at forty? Nah, they'll have two major motion pictures under their belt and probably have books ghost-written for them (
”My life with John in Jedward” by Edward and
”My life with Edward in Jedward” by John, probably!), have their own line of clothing and perfume and god knows what else.
But the people who put them there? Shame on you. Shame on you X-Factor, for not voting them off before they had a chance to even be known. Shame on you Louis Walsh, for turning them into stars, which they have no right to be. Shame on all the politicians, for using them (positively and negatively) in their campaigns, and thus giving them more exposure. And shame on every Irish person who grins and says “Yeah, they're not so bad!” They ****ing
are! And it's
your fault! And shame on you too, Jedward, both of you, for making me embarrassed to be Irish.
I wonder if there's any room on that emigration boat?