Music Banter - View Single Post - Creative Writing Competition Voting Round II

The Fascinating Turnip · 04-18-2012, 11:48 AM

Right, time to get around to the rest of the stories. Sorry about the delay.

The Landscape of Thought has a few good moments in what concerns imagery and interesting reflexions, though I felt it was needlessly wordy and that a few expressions seemed a bit commonplace now and then.
I didn't like the ending at all, unfortunately. I'm sure you could do better.

The Lonely Dreamer is difficult for me to comment on because I generally have a hard time with truly enjoying poetry in general. That being said, I think the rhyming doesn't sound very natural in this piece - but then again, I seldom do.

Neighbours was a great read. I enjoyed the writing quite a bit and the touches of dark humour. I think you portrayed the desensitization to violence and the coarseness rather well. The only flaw I see in it is that it seems to have ended rather abruptly, I'd like to see it go on a bit longer and have a proper ending.

04-18-2012, 11:48 AM	#13 (permalink)
The Fascinating Turnip Moper Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 510	Right, time to get around to the rest of the stories. Sorry about the delay. The Landscape of Thought has a few good moments in what concerns imagery and interesting reflexions, though I felt it was needlessly wordy and that a few expressions seemed a bit commonplace now and then. I didn't like the ending at all, unfortunately. I'm sure you could do better. The Lonely Dreamer is difficult for me to comment on because I generally have a hard time with truly enjoying poetry in general. That being said, I think the rhyming doesn't sound very natural in this piece - but then again, I seldom do. Neighbours was a great read. I enjoyed the writing quite a bit and the touches of dark humour. I think you portrayed the desensitization to violence and the coarseness rather well. The only flaw I see in it is that it seems to have ended rather abruptly, I'd like to see it go on a bit longer and have a proper ending. Last edited by The Fascinating Turnip; 04-21-2012 at 07:10 AM.