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Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA
Ha ha! I missed this the first time around, you serial killer you. Oh, excuse me a moment...I have to answer the door...wait...someone's breaking in! What the?!  s_k?? S_K!!!! NO NO NO N....bleggggggggggghhhhhsssssssssssssssss...
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Hahaha, not even as a joke I would let that happen
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Agreed that it doesn't have to always be joy joy happy happy. I'd get exhausted if I had to keep everything in all the time.
I hope your friend is okay and your worrying is for nothing. I'd be worried, too.
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She has this strange way of letting everything behind whenever she runs into trouble. This happened before and I always had to drag her back to who she was before. So it could be one of these moments again. I don't know. If I don't hear from her for over a week I'll call her.
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I have read posts in which you've talked about having an autistic disorder, an invisible challenge, and I can see how it would be frustrating to have people's expectations of you not match what you feel capable of doing. I've been interested in learning more about how you experience the world, since how people's minds work in different ways isn't something we can each experience first-mind (as opposed to first-hand), and I'm curious about what I can't experience.
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Invisible challenge is a beautiful way of putting it. I'll remember that one.
It works two ways around. On one side I cannot do what I should be capable off, considering my intelligence. Otherwise, I somehow manage to be pretty good with words and I am really very social, which isn't normal for an autistic person. So I tend to disappoint people because I do give the impression that there's a lot I can do. And then I have to say no quite often.
If you have any questions considering autism, please feel free to ask them. Even if they may sound dumb or whatever. I'm not ashamed of my disorder, I try to tell it to people as much as possible because if I don't, they won't understand anyway. So don't worry. By asking me questions it's not like you are confronting me with my disability. I'm not even sure if I would want to be without autism after all those years. It has made me who I am now and altough I may have quite some quirks and problems, I also have a lot of friends, I am able to help people in my own way, there is some upsides to my autism too such as a very strong feeling for justice, a good feeling for language, a pair of ears that match just fine with my brains (I can hear stuff very quickly compared to others). It's not all bad, you know.
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I understand your reasons for not wanting a child, s_k. I wrestled with whether or not I felt it was fair to have one...fair to the child, that is. I hoped that the positives of living would outweigh the negatives for my child...and seeing him, I think that is true so far. But intentionally bringing a new being, a new self, into existence *was*, I felt, a huge responsibility. If he suffers, it is due to ME having chosen to give birth to him. I think it is odd that anyone would criticize you for not wanting to have a child.
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Altough looking at the way you talk, looking at your house, looking at your interests I think you could make a very good mother (I have no reason to believe you're not), it sure is a responsibility you have to want to take. I'm glad to read that you really thought this over. I have the feeling most people go 'everyone has kids, it's natural, I will have kids'. But looking around me, I think quite soms parents are just not that good. And I'm not saying it's their fault, I just think it's really hard to raise a kid properly. Most people have their hands full of themselves already.
Maybe you understand what I'm saying when I say that I think it's rather strange to give a kid a tattoo or a nipple piercing. You just don't do that, some parents do, but I think this is something a person should do to him or herself, should he or she want to. But somehow I sometimes have the same feeling about giving birth itself. Of course a person cannot choose to be born. That's the parent's choice. But I sometimes wonder if it's fair to give someone life, even though he or she didn't ask for it. I know this is a twisted logic and I know this is all hypothetical, but I sometimes think 'who are we to decide whether someone should live'? It's almost like reverse murder.
I'm sure your kid will be brilliant. Don't worry, I definitely don't judge you for having a kid. But I think it goes wrong too often. I still look at it as a risk I dare not take. Nevertheless I am curious what I would do should I be able to get rid of my autism. Not going to happen I guess
