More random one-liners:
I wan't to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.
And the rest are from Mitch Hedberg:
A fly was very close to being called a land, because that's what it does half the time.
I got a belt on that's holding up my pants, and the pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What's going on here? Who is the real hero?
I did a radio interview; the DJ's first question was "Who are you?" I had to think. Is this guy really deep, or did I drive to the wrong station?
I played in a death-metal band. It was one of those bands where people either loved us or hated us. Or they thought we were ok.
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