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Originally Posted by Sljslj
Thank you. I wanted you to read this 'cause I know you, unlike some others, would try to be as honest as possible.
This is definitely based around depression. This is difficult for me to admit 'cause I really don't want you to think less of me, but... from time to time, I have suicidal thoughts. On the day I wrote this, I was thinking about these times; not considering suicide, just thinking about the thoughts themselves... you understand what I'm saying? The fact that this what was going through my head makes me think that sleep was used as a metaphor for death, though I'm not 100% sure of that.
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Sljslj, I would *never never never* think less of you for sometimes having thoughts of wanting to kill yourself. You are honest to admit it.
I do understand what you are saying. I had some tough times when I was 18, exacerbated by my mom telling me I had ruined all her expectations for me after I turned to her for help. As a result of events and people's reactions, I didn't want to kill myself completely, although I thought about it when anger at myself built up. I definitely wanted how I felt about myself and life to change. I felt hopeless to change it, as if I and my life were irreparably broken. I remember cutting hard German bread and staring at that knife and my wrist so delicate, so close and thinking...it would be so fast, so easy...and filling up with anger that made me *want* to do it, because if I was such an awful, worthless, disappointing person, why not? It isn't easy, being alive, sometimes. I think my questions were usually, "Why not? Why stay alive?"
I understand better now, after your explanation, how your song is trying to describe those times of wishing one's perceptions of life could end by divorcing oneself from life (such as through death). Maybe my discomfort with that is because I tend to want a song to offer me a way out of its viewpoint and your song does not. My response probably just reflects my own frustration when I can't always change my mindsets as readily as I wish...although MUCH better than I could when I was 18 and felt I was more subject to the whims of the self rather than being a co-captain choosing my direction, if that makes sense! So, when I read a song about depression I want to somehow make the feeling dissolve. Your lyrics do show the feeling of depression very well.
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I just thought eight-thousand is a good number of hours 'cause it seems like a long time, especially to be asleep and eight is also the usual number of hours people suggest you sleep you each night, that's why it's not seven-thousand or six-thousand, but eight.
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At first I thought maybe you were shooting for 666 days as some hidden reference to the devil! Your explanation makes sense.
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I take it you were trying to being smart-ass with this. Obviously, you could be awake with your eyes closed, but that's not the point of this line. I guess the subject (me?) would be feeling very lost in life, so naturally they would ask alot of questions.
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You are right...I was trying to be smart-ass, probably as a tension release from reading the sadness in the song. I apologize. (I do mean it about the train, though: if you ever want a feeling of power outside yourself, stand underneath a train overpass with your eyes closed as the train barrels past overhead, going wherever it is going. Sometimes it is nice to be drawn away from oneself, if you know what I mean.)
I see your point about asking lots of questions when you feel lost in life. Here's a question for you (you don't have to answer!): when you feel lost, is it a type of lost where you can see how you came to feel that way (can you see the route you took to get to the state of feeling lost), or does the feeling just come over you regardless what's happening in life?
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I don't really think it's important why these thoughts are occuring at all, but I understand why you would want to know why. Maybe I'll write a follow-up to this that explains what led to these feelings.
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I agree why isn't as important as the feelings themselves. I'd like to know why. The feelings by themselves are so strong and dismal that I probably seek to understand the cause as an attempt to get out of the feelings by finding a solution, if there is one.
You're very welcome, Slj. Thanks for sharing so openly!