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03-15-2007, 05:33 PM | #1 (permalink) |
Me and The Major
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 1,830
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The Only Thing Worth Living For
Okay, well first off, I'm no Ethan or Ben but I figured I'd give this forum a go. I'm always open to criticism and ways to improve this if anyone has some.
Well love I've found an empty field, it's barren without hope, or the slightest dream for a renewal of life. I won't park my truck there, it's too innocent for machine bred allusions of a perfect life. So I'll take my shoes in hand, walk delicately across this field that no man has ever touched. Others would've placed caution strips, but I will raise it to the sun! For in that field, in that barren center, there's a spot of good soil, through and through. And, and, I know I've got what it takes to make it grow! For it's the only thing I've found worth living for in this life, hendered by the pursuit that we falsely place upon our own hearts. Last edited by The Dave; 03-18-2007 at 05:53 PM. |
03-18-2007, 05:47 PM | #3 (permalink) |
isfckingdead
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 18,967
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Don't use capslock on any line dave, cmon.
I like the idea alot, "falsely place upon our own heads.", normally i'd never suggest hearts because its typically cliche but I think it would work much better here then then head. |
03-18-2007, 05:52 PM | #4 (permalink) | |
Me and The Major
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 1,830
|
Quote:
And yeah, I've treid to quit using the word heart in any thing I write, but I'll give it a try. Edit: I do like hearts. |
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