Trollheart

You're missing out on a good album there.
If we're stuck I can link my review of it from my journal. If anyone cares.

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Unknown Soldier

I've also reviewed it previously as well and saves Violet doing it (even though for some reason it ended up being one of my shorter reviews)



The Beast
The name Manowar usually evokes strong opinions amongst metalheads and these opinions often denote Manowar as being the complete anthithesis of everything they see great about metal from a negative viewpoint, but this is equally countered by others (such as me) who see the band as being the epitome of everything metal. I consider myself a big Manowar fan, not so much in their actual music, but more in them being a genuine celebration of metal and all its established clichés. Manowar would go on to be so influential on 1980s metal, that they can probably be seen as the principal motivators of the soon to be ‘power metal’ genre (easily one of my favourite sub-metal genres) making them pretty groundbreaking in what they were doing.

The band were formed in New York 1980 by bassist and band leader Joey DeMaio, who soon recruited highly reputable guitarist Ross the Boss ex-Dictators and ex-Shakin Street a French metal band who once appeared earlier in this journal (see 1978 review) drummer Donnie Hamzik and finally vocalist Eric Adams, an ex-butcher who claimed to have a five-and-a-half octave vocal range! The criteria of this new band was quite simple and that was to be the loudest metal band in the world and also the truest, and in my opinion that’s exactly what they would achieve over their next several albums. Manowar were never a band to be taken too seriously and their debut album Battle Hymns which features here, is certainly encumbered by a number of badly used metal clichés and less than impressive song writing ability on certain songs, but the pure and potential epicness of the band is there from the word go, and this talent covers over these cracks making Battle Hymns an interesting ‘power metal starter album’.

The album starts with “Death Tone” with its Kiss influenced “Detroit Rock City” opener and in general the song has that Kiss aroma throughout, but Manowar play louder than Kiss ever did though. By the time of the excellent second track ‘the celebration of metal anthem’ “Metal Daze” you really know what this band are all about and that is quite simply epic metal that’s here to stay! The band then truly blend speed metal into their powerful repertoire on “Fast Taker” the best track on the album, before the album then dips into clichéd and patchy song choices, but there’s still enough here to keep you engaged. The band though get things right on the album closer, the epic title track “Battle Hymn” all hail glorious metal!

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Metal Wars

Power Metal

Pounding Decibels- A Hard and Heavy History

Thelonious Monkey

I've listened to it quite a few times, and enjoyed it. But I'm not really up for reviewing it. I should probably stop promising to review stuff and then deciding to call it quits. I guess I just wanted dibs on the album if I were to review it.

The Batlord

You sack of ****.

And where the **** are Ori and Pet_Sounds? I reviewed that goddamn Billy Joel album!

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The Batlord

This album is where Manowar really jumped the shark. They'd been plenty cheesy before, but now they crossed the line into full-on self-parody. It's probably also the album that saved them. After running out of creative steam on Sign of the Hammer, and presumably caving to record company pressure to tone down for mass consumption on Fighting the World (to absolutely no results), Kings of Metal found them rejuvenated, with a new sound, and a new sense of "**** you" -- presumably also caused by whatever went down with Fighting the World.

Firstly, there's still plenty of the epic heavy metal from Into Glory Ride and Hail to England, but there's a new power/speed metal edge to a lot of the songs on here -- such as opener "Wheels of Fire, and closer "Blood of the Kings" -- that really gives the music an energy they hadn't really had for the most part since Battle Hymns.

The other big change is the presence of actual ballads. It's funny that they'd play around with those on the album where they quit trying to attract mainstream exposure, but these ballads never fall into "Home Sweet Home" territory. "Heart of Steel" and "Kingdom Come" are basically what power ballads would sound like if they were recorded by metalhead morons with more leather than sense (imagine that). It takes a special kind of person to like a Manowar ballad, and I can understand if you think they're just cheesy ****, but I love them.

Now, about that jumping the shark ****. Rather than try to write something cohesive, I'm just going to go down the line here and list the main ways in which Manowar are ridiculous on this album... yet somehow make it work. (We're ignoring the lyrics, since Manowar's lyrics should just be assumed to be dumb.)

1.) "Kings of Metal" - The title track is facepalm worthy. I suppose it's not necessarily any worse than "Warlord" or "All Men Play on Ten" as far as dunderheaded self-aggrandizement goes, but I just feel like they turn it up to eleven on this song (Spinal Tap reference intentional). The reason it works? This song is just so catchy, heavy, and anthemic that you can't help but get swept along when Eric Adams sings, "Other bands play!" followed by the gang shout response, "MANOWAR KILL!!!" This song just sucks so good.

2.) "The Crown and the Ring" - Objectively, this song is a complete failure. It's just a ballad, where Eric Adams sings about battle over low key synths, and then they jam a chorus sung by a choir after every verse, as if you don't have to do anything else to justify a choir. It's meant to sound epic and stirring, but it's just so self-indulgent and ridiculous that it's hilarious instead. The reason it works? I guess jamming a chorus sung by a choir after every verse can't help but sound kind of epic and stirring, no matter how much you **** it up. Brilliant dumb song.

3.) "The Warrior's Prayer" - Oh my god, this track. This ****ing track. After you've listened to it once, you can skip it forever after. Thank god I live in the age of easily skippable digital music, or else I probably would have listened to the song it introduces a lot fewer times. It's just an old man telling his grandson about some battle being waged by four "METAL KINGS!!!" -- presumably Manowar -- against the armies of the world. It goes on for over four god damn minutes. The reason it "works"? You'll only listen to it every once in a blue moon, but when you do, it will make you smile despite yourself at its absurd grandeur.

As far as I'm concerned, the only real fault with Kings of Metal is that the three ballads -- along with the prerequisite terrible bass solo -- all sit in the middle of the album, without any pure metal tracks to liven things up, which kills a bit of the album's momentum. We're also going to pretend that the execrable "Pleasure Slave" isn't on this album, since it was only added for the CD rerelease and I immediately removed it upon download. I honestly don't even remember what it sounds like.

I can't sign off without mentioning "Hail and Kill" though. It's by far the most epic song on this album, though it starts off almost like a ballad, before ramping up into heavy/power metal gloriousness of the highest caliber, with a gang shout chorus that sends chills up my spine at just how badass it is. And the line at the beginning, "May your sword stay wet, like a young girl in her prime" is moron metal genius.

If you love Manowar, you love this album, but if you think they're an embarrassment, then this isn't going to convert you. It is however, the ultimate example of the sound for which they've become known, and it's just too bad that they'd never again be able to so almost perfectly bring together all of the goofy-yet-glorious elements that make it such a monumentally flawed masterpiece. Hail and kill indeed.

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The Batlord

Yeah, I'm not holding my breath on many last minute entries by some people, so I'm just filling in some of the gaps.


This album is a bit of a strange beast. It's not much different from the previous two, Kings of Metal and Triumph of Steel, but it's easily their weakest since Fighting the World (I'm no fan of the thirty minute "epic" from Triumph of Steel, but the album is otherwise as it should be.) For one, it never quite "gets going" in the speed metal department, but it also has none of the epic heaviness of Into Glory Ride or Hail to England. It's not nearly as tepid as Fighting the World, but it also lacks the energy and passion of Battle Hymns -- although if I was to compare it to any previous Manowar album, it would be that one. So, basically what we have is watered down biker metal.

Another problem is that I can't honestly say there's even one song that's really on the same level as their best material. Without any of the above qualities to latch onto (speed, heaviness, epicness, energy, passion), Manowar's songwriting limitations become very evident, with many song's only redeeming qualities being their choruses.

I'm not sure exactly what happened with this album. My first guess is that Manowar was just tired by this point and didn't have much left in the tank, and so they pushed out the best album they could be bothered to make to justify a tour. I'm sure that Eric Adams' clearly deteriorating voice was also a contributing factor to the album's lack of energy, as he probably wouldn't have been able to really pull off any songs requiring his trademark high end screams.

Perhaps label pressure? Metal was dead, so the suits wanted them to change with the times? If so then I don't know why Manowar even bothered listening to them as much as they hypothetically did, cause I highly doubt even those egomaniacs would think that Pearl Jam fans had any desire to listen to them play hard rock and sing about metal/themselves (I'm sure Manowar considered them the same thing by this point.) I mean, yeah, the music is a bit toned down, but it's still the same ol' Manowar, and they sing about the same things they always do, and they still have a god damn bass solo song. Besides, I doubt any label would stoop to giving even the slightest **** about them in 1996 anyway.

Yet with all the things wrong with this album, I still dig it. It's not the first album I pull out when starting a Mano-binge, but about halfway through, when I've already listened to the classics, but I'm not on my way to becoming bored with constantly listening to them, I'll throw Louder than Hell on and it'll do its job competently. There aren't any true classics, though a few songs are still pretty damn good, but the band also somehow manages to keep everything consistent; I'm never blown away by this album, but I'm never bored either. So, if you hate or are new to Manowar, then steer clear of Louder than Hell for the moment, as it's really a fans only release.

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Pet_Sounds

Sorry, Batty--I kinda forgot about this, with real life and all. I'll do my best to write a review tonight or tomorrow.

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Everybody's dying just to get the disease

The Batlord

I'm already in the middle of reviewing Warriors of the World, so that's already going up, but since you still owe me, do the Thunder in the Sky EP. It's only six songs long, and you don't have to worry about the second disc where they did fifteen versions of the same song in different languages (I don't know why Manowar worried about it either TBH.) It's pretty solid.

Edit:

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The Batlord

Warriors of the World. The jewel in the nonexistent crown of Manowar's post-classic period. Louder than Hell was lukewarm, Gods of War stupefyingly overblown, and The Lord of Steel just plain awful, but this album makes all the years of meh albums worth it. It's not a true classic, but I'll ****ing take it.

If I'd heard Louder than Hell back in '96, and then waited until '02 for this, their followup, I'd have assumed that their days were done and this would just be an even further diminished return. Opener "Call to Arms" -- the best song they'd done since 1988 as far as I'm concerned -- would have mercifully dashed those fears. Its crushingly heavy, savagely epic majesty kicks this album off perfectly. And of course it's about killing poseurs in the name of True Metal.

"I can see, by the look that you have in your eye, you came here for metal, to fight and to die!"

Indeed I did, Eric. Indeed I did.

In much the same way that Kings of Metal rejuvenated the band, it's biggest flaw is also Warriors of the World's: too many ballads in the middle of the album without any break. There's no bass solo, thank god, but instead there's a three-and-a-half-minute vocal cover of "Nessun Dorma". An opera piece. It's not good. It's not good even a little bit. And it's the third song on the album. **** that.

But those ballads -- "The Fight for Freedom", "Swords in the Wind", and "An American Trilogy" -- are epic and fan-****ing-tastic ("An American Trilogy" somewhat less so), and possibly the best ballads of their career. Eric Adams might not have the range he used to, but he's adapted to his new limitations far better here than on Louder than Hell, and some of his best work for the album is definitely on these slower songs.

Aside from "Nussen Dorma", the other turd on this album is "The March", a four-minute orchestral thing that desperately wants to be epic, but is really just tedious and overlong. Coulda been cool, but then Manowar just forgot that they're not Mozart. These two songs probably foreshadowed the unfortunate direction they took on their next album, but we'll get to that later.

But **** all that ****, cause the rest of the album is pure metal awesomeness. "Warriors of the World" kicks the last half of the album off in bitchin' fashion, and after that it's just epic heavy/power metal awesomeness. It would have been nice if Manowar had mixed these songs up with the ballads on the first half, but it is what it is.

I can only assume that the difference between Warriors of the World and Louder than Hell is that Manowar actually cared about this album. Why they all of a sudden got their mojo back after six years is beyond me, but I'm not complaining. This might have been their last truly listenable album, but I'm just glad their last one was so strong (**** it, it's a classic, warts and all), and not just okay. Listen to this album. It ****ing rules.

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The Batlord

God damn it I hate this album. It's so long, so overblown, and so boring. I'm honestly not sure if I've been able to make it through the entire thing more than once, so I really can't give a real review. Rather than subject myself to it enough times that I can speak about it intelligently, I'm just gonna go track by track and review it like I do in my avant garde rec thread. At least then this might be good for a chuckle or two. **** me...


1.) "Overture to the Hymn of the Immortal Warriors" 6:20: This is not a song. This is an intro. A six minute intro. There is a two-and-a-half minute intro after this. That's almost ten minutes before the first song actually starts. **** me...

Oh yeah, it's a bunch of orchestral ****. Because four minutes of this wasn't more than I wanted on the last album. Just FYI, this is a concept album about the Norse gods, so there are a bunch of these kinds of things in-between songs to "set the mood" (i.e. bore the **** out of people).

And now there's a choir. ****. Not even two minutes in.

Organ goes DUN! DUN! DUN! That's epic. Please do something else. No, I didn't mean a tuba. Oh god.

And there's the choir again. I don't understand how this was all arranged. It certainly wasn't according to what sounded good. Still two ****ing minutes. I almost feel bad for trying to foist this on Plankton.

And that **** is done! Almost! There we go!

2.) "The Ascension" 2:30: There's that same choir and more wannabe orchestral **** that just missed the cut for the LOTR soundtrack. Is there going to be a reason why this was separated from the first-

Oh, there's some guy talking! Just going to assume he's talking about Odin. If this had begun the album then it might have been cheesy but fun, but it's been too tedious for too long.

Hey, there's Eric Adams singing over he choir. No less boring than anything that's come before TBH. And it transitions to...

3.) "King of Kings" 4:18: ... An actual song! Yay! Too bad it's this one. I clearly remember this being unmemorable.

Yeah, the riffs are pretty generic, and there isn't much going on to draw my attention. There isn't even an epic chorus to make me forget that the rest of the song is mediocre.

God damn it! The dude is talking about Odin again (or whatever, I don't really care enough to listen). The song just stops so this guy can drone on for a little bit, then it's a ballad for a little bit longer, and then we're back to the generic heavy/power metal.

Hey, Eric just tried a scream. It wasn't that great, and it sounded like they used some studio trickery to make it sound better, but at least they're trying. It's a metaphor for this album though: Manowar is putting their all into it, but all that effort just goes into pointless bull**** rather than actually making an album you'd want to listen to.

4.) "Army of the Dead, Part I" 1:59: Oh good, there's two of them. That makes me not want to listen to this twice as much.

Another choir! Although this one is more monk than Christmas pageant. Something about Valkyries, so I'm assuming this is about dead warriors going to Valhalla. Yep. Nice, boring chant about Valhalla.

I feel like a lot of the intros and outros on this album would be fine by themselves on another album that wasn't filled with the same ****, but all together they just become tedious. This isn't awful, but this is the fourth track on the album, and there's only been one song. **** that ****.

5.) "Sleipnir" 5:14: I seem to remember this and the next song being good, so I'm optimistic for the first time in... fifteen minutes. Jesus Christ.

Oh god, please don't let this intro go on for two minutes like they always do in Manowar songs. There's a horse running and neighing, and that dude is talking again, and we're at a minute already.

There we go, the intro only lasted a minute.

._.

Okay, I guess my memory of this being good was a relative thing. It's the best thing so far, but that's not saying much. It's not terrible, but it wouldn't even have made the cut for Louder than Hell. At least it's almost over. I definitely remember digging the next song.

6.) "Loki God of Fire" 3:50: Bam! Next song hits like a boss. This is officially the first good riff on the album. What's with the production though? Kinda weak. This song could be totally heavier. Still, pretty bitchin' song with a nice chorus.

Not anticipating consistency though.

7.) "Blood Brothers" 4:54: I have no way of knowing when a song is a song or an intro/outro. You'd think length would be a hint, but not necessarily. Eric Adams is singing over synths, so I'm assuming this is an actual song, just with an overlong beginning.

There's like, guitar and drums going on in the background, but I still hesitate to say that this is a real song, cause nothing has happened yet. Just two-and-a-half minutes of build up. This isn't even a ballad.

Alright, I think this is a song, because the guitar just ramped up a bit, but I still refuse to call this a real song.

Why is this five minutes long? It doesn't need to be. No payoff can justify four minutes of utter boredom.

Okay. So there wasn't even a payoff. Just five minutes of boring bull**** that went absolutely nowhere. I think it says a lot about this album and Manowar's songwriting abilities that I wasn't sure whether it was a song or an intro until it was half over, and even then I wasn't 100%.

8.) "Overture to Odin" 3:42: I think I'm safe in assuming this is an intro. I'm curious if Manowar even knows what an overture is. Don't get me wrong, I have no idea either, but I would never use "overture" in one of my song titles.

Boring violins. Goody. Some synths. **** a duck, I think this might be almost four minutes of boring violins and boring synths. Wait, there's a tuba. I think that's how I'm supposed to know it's an overture.

What the ****?! Why did Manowar do this ****? There's nothing about this that has anything to do with their core sound. There's nothing to make this anything other than a non-sequitor in the middle of an album that it has nothing musically to do with. And it's so ****ing long!

Yup. Four minutes of synths, violins, a tuba, and apparently an organ, all of which are somehow supposed to invoke the feeling of Odin on a trashy metal album. All the things that Manowar haters say about this band, I say about this album, because it kills my patience to the point that we're all now on the same page.

9.) "The Blood of Odin" 3:57: I **** you not, this is the second of four songs with "Odin" in it. One of which is just called "Odin". I'm curious how they decided that "Odin" was just so much more about Odin than all the other Odin songs that it deserved to be called simply "Odin".

It's been three songs since a non-into/outro/ballad, and I'm praying for some ass kicking. I'm just getting more of that narrator dude talking about Odin. There's some drumming going on (like those heavy bass drums in an orchestra, not "band drums").

God damn it, two minutes in and nothing yet. Are you ****ing kidding me? Another intro followed by an intro? **** you, Manowar. I want to punch someone.

Oh, and this is about how Odin gave his eye and got nailed to a tree in exchange for wisdom, which is actually a pretty bitchin' legend.

10.) "Sons of Odin" 6:24: Yay! A song. Possibly a good one too. Can't be sure yet. Doesn't seem like it's gonna be a classic, but I'll take what I can get at this point.

Meh. Not awful, but if this is the best they got then I'm in Just Waiting Until the Album Is Over mode.

It feels like they went back to the passionless, tepid rock/metal of Louder than Hell, but without any of the catchiness to make the mediocrity more enjoyable. Songwise, this really isn't any better than The Lord of Steel, and at least I didn't have to sit through twelve hours of intros for that album.

11.) "Glory Majesty Unity" 4:42: Intro? I hear wolves and bass drums. Now synths. Rain. Intro? Don't know. I'm now making the sign of the cross to protect myself against the evils of orchestral bull****.

****. Almost two minutes in and the narrator pops up again. This is an intro. At least there are only five songs left after this. I shouldn't have to say "at least there are only five songs left".

Lol. They're reciting the Warrior's Prayer after having fought some battle. Dear god, just end.

12.) "Gods of War" 7:26: This has to be a song. They can't follow a five minute intro with a seven minute one. Even Manowar aren't that stupid. It's the ****ing title track for Odin's sake.

Some kind of drumming, and orchestral singing that sounds more like a war march. Coolest thing by far on the album yet. Now if only the song that must be about to happen can liven up to that, then we might be in business for once.

Some actually epic orchestral ****, a slow guitar riff that's got some weight behind it, nice synths. I'm not willing to declare victory yet, but this is promising.

And of course it all stops so Eric Adams can talk.

Epic **** starts back up. Already three minutes in. WTF? This is cool and all, but this is not a song. Still the best thing off the album up till this point.

Then Eric starts talking again, and then the epic orchestral war march stuff starts again. So this is just what this "song" is. I'd honestly put this on a Manowar playlist though. If it were shorter it'd be good to put at the beginning, but maybe in the middle or at the end or something. Definitely too long.

13.) "Army of the Dead, Part II" 2:21: Oh look. The other one. Yay.

*insert derisive comment about boring, unnecessary, orchestral bull*****

14.) "Odin" 5:27: Three more songs. One of which is a bonus track that has nothing to do with the rest of the album. And I'm assuming the last proper track is an outro. There's no way Manowar would end this album without a boring outro. Honestly, I can't be sure this isn't also a boring outro that will then lead into the second boring outro.

Hey, Eric is singing. Song.

One of those heavy ballads that Manowar usually does so well, but unless I'm just fatigued after an hour of this garbage then this is ****. The song is almost done and has left almost no impression on me.

15.) "Hymn of the Immortal Warriors" 5:29: If this isn't an outro then I'm going to be totally surprised.

Hey, I think this might be a song. Might be a ballad. Blah, blah, blah, boring, blah, blah, blah, orchestral nonsense, blah, blah, blah, overblown, blah, blah, blah, somebody shoot me, blah, blah, blah, narrator, blah, blah, blah, this album is ****.

16.) "Die for Metal" (bonus track) 5:17: ****. Yes. Why the rest of the album isn't this awesome I have no idea. Clearly they have the ability to write awesome metal songs if they can still pump out one like this, and yet they tack it onto the end of the worst album they ever wrote as a bonus track. I don't understand that at all.

I've already listened to this song more times than I can count. It's one of the cheesiest songs they've ever written and it's amazing. I'm just going to add it at the end so you can partake of its brilliance.


Final verdict: I think there might actually have been more intros and orchestral garbage than actual Manowar songs on this **** heap, and the songs that are actually on here are so mediocre and unmemorable that I remember all the stuff around them more than what should have been the meat of the album, making it seem less like a cohesive listening experience than... I don't even know. Something that sucks. **** this album. I don't even have the energy to sum things up anymore cause Gods of War made me not care about life.


Seriously, don't get this album. Just steal "Die for Metal" off the internet and save yourself the aggravation.

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