The Batlord

Capitalism + Metal = A Sad Batlord

So the other day I went to the local metal/punk record store and talked with the proprieter, a true Defender of the Faith if ever there was one (shout out to Skinnies Records in Norfolk, VA!). We had a conversation about several veteran bands and their sad states. This got me to thinking about what has become of modern metal in general. Slayer was once one of the greatest metal bands that ever lived, but ever since the nineties they have been limping along with an increasingly mediocre series of albums and only showing rare glimpses of their old fire. Even when they put out something of consequence, such as Christ Illusion, it is merely business as usual, an attempt by a tired band to keep themselves going so that they can continue to make money by touring. This isn't really surprising though, since like many bands like Exodus, Manowar, Judas Priest, etc Slayer has spent the last few decades without steady jobs and building no work skills other than playing their instruments. So, either they put out another album or they flip burgers. Perhaps the saddest part is what this business mentality has done to the band. Just recently their drummer, Dave Lombardo, was booted from the band that he helped found by band leader Kerry King when Lombardo started asking questions about the state of Slayer's finances. Reading between the lines it seems likely that Mr. King was receiving a "healthier" share than the other band members. Cause screwing your friends is what metal is all about.

The independent metal labels are even worse. Once proud and renegade labels now sign bands based on cheap fads like deathcore and some silly "thrash revival." When they're not cashing in on these questionable scene bands they're signing yet another band bowing down to outdated genre stereotypes set twenty or thirty years ago. I guess their business model is built on maintaining the illusion that sub-genres that peaked and collapsed years ago like death metal and Norwegian black metal are somehow still relevant today. They also seem to be in cahoots with the metal magazines. I used to read Metal Hammer years ago and it was filled with glorified press releases masquerading as articles giving vomit inducing praise on bands like Job for a Cowboy, Emmure, Shadows Fall, etc. Then you go to the reviews section only to see that as often as not these same bands get torn apart or at best met with indifferent contempt.

This "underground" metal industry has become nothing more than a small scale version of the mainstream record industry. It is bloated, self congratulatory, and is not to be trusted. You're expected to buy their substandard swill and then go buy their concert tickets where you get to engage in stale rebellion in the mosh pit like it was a carnival ride. Sometimes I think that it's time that metal truly "die" and everything that supports the current model (tired old bands, labels, mags, etc) be burned to the ground. Then if metal has any life left in it those few bands with the brains and the balls to make it on their own can claw their way out of the ashes by themselves. Of course none of this is particularly new, and people have been saying much the same things for years, but the whole situation is tiresome and disheartening nonetheless. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go find a particularly grim and frostbitten mountain to hurl myself off of.

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The Batlord

An Edumacation for You Dumb Cunts: Part Vier

Dark Angel

One day I woke up to the feeling of the sun shining on my face. I yawned and stretched my arms over my head before throwing off the covers and getting up for the day. I made pancakes and bacon and just sat eating breakfast and enjoying a pleasant contentment. There was something strange about this morning. I felt happy. I felt ready to go out into the sunshine of a beautiful day and experience every joy that life had to offer! It was disgusting. So I went back to my room, locked the door, drew the blinds, plunging myself into gloom, and threw on some Dark Angel. Soon, the vile optimism, was dispelled and tendrils of glorious nihilism began to creep into my consciousness. As the complex, crushing thrash metal pummeled my brain into submission my mind became numb with sublime horror. The screams of Ron Rhinehart told the tale of life's misery and futility and the evils of man as no one else could. The world which had seemed so bright had become cruel and menacing. All that was left was the wondrous isolation of a ravaged soul incapable of feeling anything but the darkest despair. All was now right with the world.

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The Batlord

Dave Mustaine On Metallica

As any non-poseur knows, Dave Mustaine has had his issues with Metallica. For any poseurs, I will give a brief history lesson (as opposed to a bitch slap, which is what you deserve). In the early eighties ol' Dave was Metallica's lead guitarist before Kirk Hammett. He even went with Metallica from San Francisco all the fucking way to New York City. Then once he was there Metallica kicked him out of the band and sent him packing all the way back across the country to San Francisco, and Dave vowed revenge. But it was all good, at least for us, since he went on to form Megadeth. You can see just how big his grudge really is with the first song off of Megadeth's first album, "Last Rites/Loved to Death".

Jeez Dave, why don't you tell 'em how you really feel?

...and Now

Recently Dave has made comments that seem to say that he's buried the hatchet and is over his grudge. Comments like this...

But in a song off of The System Has Failed, recorded two decades after getting booted, he wrote...

Yeah, real subtle Dave. We can all see just how over it you are. If you've been nursing the same grudge for over three decades, then why don't you get up off your ass and do what we've all wanted to do for years.




But perhaps these days things might actually be different. A few years ago Dave had this to say about a possible supergroup...

...but wait! James has different ideas...

Can you feel the love?

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Urban Hat€monger ?

You missed out the best bit

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The Batlord

That's classic. I've also heard Dave say that he once used black magic to cast a spell on some dude who was fucking with him, so I tend to take anything he says with a grain of salt.

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Unknown Soldier

You needed to put a video on here for any poseurs who don't know the story. So they can listen to Dave whining on about his raw deal and Lars looking all nervous and tearful


Dave And Lars Interview - YouTube

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Metal Wars

Power Metal

Pounding Decibels- A Hard and Heavy History

The Batlord

Dude...did Lars just unintentionally admit to being gay for Dave Mustaine at the end?

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The Batlord

Hitler Reviews Marduk's Panzer Division Marduk

Guten tag, Party people! Mein gutt friend, Herr Batlord, hast asked me to do a review for his racially superior music journal unt I haf agreed. Black metal ist near unt dear to mein herz unt Marduk's Panzer Division Marduk ist an album zat I haf been meaning to listen to for years. I burned ze title track onto a compilation CD years ago, but I never quite got around to listening to ze rest of zis album, so I'm doing so now...




Mein Gott, zis ist some intense stuff! Marduk ist a black metal band, unt zis definitely has a ton ov black metal influence, but zis ist just as much a deaz metal album. But zis ist different from any blackened deaz metal zat I can think ov. It's just totally intense unt pretty much puts ze pedal to ze metal from ze word "Schnell!" unt doesn't slow down till ze album ist over. It hast nein self consciously "Evil" atmosphere. It hast nein lo fi aesthetic. In fact ze production ist actually rather clean unt gives ze music a fullness zat gives it an impact zat black metal usually does not haf. It's only goal ist to launch an aural blitzkrieg on ze Poland ov your unsuspecting eardrums. Ze album starts vith a sample of mein Wehrmacht soldiers screaming, "FIRE!" unt a barrage ov artillery fire, vich is pretty much ze perfect segue into ze holocaust to come. I sort of imagine zat zis is going to become an endurance test after a few songs.

After having listened to ze whole zing, it's pretty much vat I expected. I don't zink I can actually pick out any songs zat really sound different from vone anozer. Zey're all pretty much ze same blast unt grind. Zere are parts zat break up vat could be monotonous, but in general, ja, it's all ze same zing. It ist actually pretty cartoonish. Ze entire album ist vone long blastbeat unt ze riffs are likevise ze same zing recycled over unt over again. Any band vith an ounce ov creativity vould be ashamed ov zemselves for recording such an unimaginative piece ov utter sheisse. Yet, for some reason I actually kind of love zis. It's so intense zat I can't zink of anyzing quite like it. It even makes Suffocation unt Cryptopsy look restrained. Mayhem? Untermenschen. It ist just so committed to unrestrained brutality zat zere just isn't room for diversity. I vish I had zis album to listen to ven I invaded Russia. It's pretty much just a zirty minute long force ov nature. Unt zank Gott it's only zirty minutes long. Any longer unt it vould seriously outlive its willkommen. Zis isn't somezing I'd listen to every day, but ven I'm in ze mood I doubt zat anyzing but zis vould do. I guess you could say Anaal Nazrakh, but even Ze Codex Necro ist not so myopically intense.






Disclaimer: No Jews were harmed in the writing of this review.

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Urban Hat€monger ?

But you did invade Poland

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Trollheart

So, they didn't save Hitler's brain after all?? Brilliiant work Batty, or should I say Wunderbarr Mein Herr!!!

Now, about that legal action from the National Anti-Semetic Organisation...

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018