Trollheart

Thanks as always Geekoid. Don't get me wrong: I LOVE doing this, one of the things that gives me pleasure, being in the situation I am with my sister and therefore more or less confined to the house 24/7. But you have to enjoy it: when it becomes a chore, a task, something you say to yourself "Oh damn, I still have to do that!" and don't really want to, then it's definitely time to look at your reasons for doing at least that part of the journal again.

There have been days when I've said to myself I don't want to update, I'm not really in the mood, and then realised sure hell I don't HAVE to; who's going to care or make any comment if there isn't a journal entry for a few days? Some people only update weekly or less, and although I initially started off making sure there was at least one entry a day, often three or four, I later realised I was pushing myself too far and taking the fun factor out of this.

Good to be able to take a step back. Now to start on that big article on Robbie Williams...

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Back when we started this section, almost a year ago to the day, the theme we chose to link the songs was the idea of rain. So, on the anniversary of the inception of "Variations on a theme", and despite all the evidence to the contrary, it's summer, or was, so why not go for a bunch of songs that have to do with the sun?

This was popularised by Emma Bunton, better known as Baby Spice, and she got into the charts with it, but this is the original, from 1980, a lady called Zoe with “Sunshine on a rainy day”.


A true soul classic from the Man, this is Stevie Wonder, and “The sunshine of my life”.


Then of course there's a-ha, with one of their bigger hits, “The sun always shines on TV”.


And a bleak, touching little tale from Terry Jacks which also hit number one back in 1974, it's called “Seasons in the sun”.


A big hit too for Gordon Lightfoot, this is “Sundown”.


NOT a hit, but still a great song from Iron Maiden's “Piece of mind” album, this is “Sun and steel”.

And of course, we couldn't forget Katrina and the Waves...


A lot of people it seems don't like Fleetwood Mac's “Behind the mask” album, but I do. Here's a sun-themed track from it. This is called “When the sun goes down”.


One of the darker songs the Police put out, this is “Invisible sun”.


And we close with one of the biggest bands on the planet, love 'em or hate 'em. It's U2, with “Staring at the sun”.

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Destroy all monsters --- Dec Burke --- 2010 (Progrock)


I've seen this album around and often wondered what it was like. Unaccountably, I've always got Dec Burke mixed up with Devin Townsend, even though the only connection between them I can see is that both are male and solo, and their names begin with D. And they work in broadly the same genre. Yeah. I get confused easily. You do, at my age. But though I've only experienced Townsend through his (frankly awful) rendition of “New York, New York” on the metal “tribute” album “Sin-atra” (previously reviewed by yours truly), I've never heard anything from Burke. So who is he?

Well, it seems he's part of Frost*, and also with another progressive rock band called Darwin Radio, but branched out on his own in 2010 and has so far released two albums in that period, of which this is the debut offering. On the strength of this, I have to say I think it was a smart move and should yield the rewards that follow making such a decision. The word solo really describes this album also, as he does vocals, guitars and keyboards himself, only pulling in, er, two bass players and a drummer to help him out, with another keyboard man guesting on some tracks. Like many of the albums I choose to review, information on this is sketchy, but I'm going to go out on a limb and guess he writes all the songs on this himself.

The album opens on “The last time”, which begins with what could be taken as new-wave/electronica keys, but soon kicks into life on the back of storming guitar and powerful keys, the latter of which then drop right back to a quiet piano line as Dec's voice comes in, and it's clear that he has a powerful one, which can also be taken right down when the song, or part of the song, requires. There's a lot of catchy melody in the song, and while the production on the album may not be as pin-sharp as you might usually expect from a prog rock record, it's certainly not muddy. I just think sometimes his voice can get a little swamped, though it doesn't happen that often. The acoustic piano line works well as it weaves its way through the song, getting a little darker as it goes on, with some pretty chunky bass too.

Interestingly for a prog rock album, there are no mega-compositions, no three or four-movement epics, in fact nothing over seven minutes. Well, okay, the title goes two seconds over that, but it's the only one. Most of the rest hit in around the three/five minute mark. Now in some ways that could be regarded as bad value for money, as the album only consists of nine tracks in all, bringing the running time in at a total of a few seconds under forty-five minutes. Against that though is the fact that there really are no weak tracks, and some very strong ones. “Winter to summer” is a big heavy puncher, slower than the opener and with a real sense of loss and desperation in the lyric and indeed the melody. It's quite guitar driven, and a chance for Burke to show off his skills in this area. There's also a really nice recurring piano line running alongside the harder guitar.

“Signs of life”, on the other hand, runs in on the back of a sparkly keyboard line, then more hard guitar kicks in in a very dramatic way, with a sense of Steven Wilson in the vocal, while “Sometimes” comes across as the heaviest of the tracks, with a snarling guitar and urgent, passionate keywork, and a great slide guitar outro, then “Secret lives” (three songs following each other all beginning with “s”: trivia alert!) is also quite heavy and relies on some pretty frenetic drumming from Tim Churchman, Dec's voice rising above the dramatic keyboards and chugging guitar, the whole thing reminding me of an old steam locomotive charging along the tracks, the unstoppable iron horse in its native habitat.

Everything then slows down for “Open”, a really nice acoustic guitar ballad in which Burke's voice is tortured and gravelly, again reminding me a little of Wilson, but without sounding too much like the Porcupine Tree maestro. Another slow one then in “Promised”, with some really warbly prog-style keys and a great little guitar solo: could be standout of the album really, with Burke really tapping his inner Waters and turning out a real Floydesque tune. More commercial is “Small hours” (that now makes four songs on this album that begin with “s”: half of the tracks! Wonder if that's a record?) with some very decent backing vocals and a rolling guitar line and what sounds like it could be some strings accompaniment, though it may be just Dec on the keys. Brilliant guitar solo at the end.


And the title track closes out the album. It's certainly been worth waiting for; as I mentioned at the beginning, it's the longest track on the album, just two seconds over seven minutes, and it starts out with a one-minute instrumental that then segues into the main melody behind Dec's vocal, then the song gets going with a dramatic, mid-paced and powerful mini-epic that ends on a very sharp little piano melody, bringing the album to a rather satisfying finale.

First impressions, they say, last, and you only get one chance to make that impression, but I've found this to be inaccurate when related to this particular album. The first time I listened to it I was really impressed, but on subsequent listens I've moderated my opinion somewhat, and although I still like it, I'm not as blown away with it as I seemed to be initially. It's got a lot of good things going for it, yes, but there's nothing that's all that terribly different. I admit I find the lack of an epic --- even an instrumental one --- on an album with only nine tracks a little disappointing: I feel sort of shortchanged somehow. The songs though, are all good, the instrumentation's great and it's enjoyable to listen to. It's just that I can think of at least a dozen other albums I would probably prefer to listen to before this.

Of course, conversely, I would listen to this before a whole lot of other albums I have. A good album, but not a great album. Perhaps his second one is better?

TRACKLISTING

1. The last time
2. Winter to summer
3. Signs of life
4. Sometimes
5. Secret lives
6. Promised
7. Open
8. Small hours
9. Destroy all monsters

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Yep. I've changed the title. It's my journal, I can do that. But more importantly, and more relevantly, this section is evolving. Moving on from my “Watching TV” section, this is now going to be a quick rundown of the new shows I'm watching, to see which if any have proved themselves worthy of being “Series linked”, in other words, marked for future recording so that I don't miss any episodes. My usual practice is to find something I think I may like, or that I've been recommended, record a bunch of episodes then go back later and check them out. If I don't like the show by the second or third episode, or if I find it's been cancelled and has no resolution, then I'll most likely delete them. My Sky Box is a Terabyte model --- yeah, that's right: 1000 gigs of space! ---- but even at that, you have to be careful of filling up too much space with programmes that are in the end going to be deleted.

So here are the ones I've tried recently. Many have turned out to be instant candidates for the “delete” key, but one or two have made it into “Series link” territory...


This definitely hasn't! I decided I was tired of seeing this at the top of my recorded programmes every time I pressed the A-Z button (which is about always), and that it was time to make a decision: watch it, and either keep it or delete it forever. The only thing about this show really that led me to recording it was the novelty of seeing William Shatner in a comedy --- I mean, in a show that was supposed to be a comedy! I thought it might be okay, but after the first episode I was dubious, by the third I was nonplussed and as it went on I found myself listing its pros and cons.

Pros: Shatner; John Mahoney (Frasier) guest starring in one episode
Cons: Not funny; terrible, two-dimensional supporting cast; predictable; annoying; not funny; cancelled.

Okay, so I mentioned “not funny” twice, but it really is worth saying again. And again. This show is not funny. The whole premise is a lie: it's supposed to be revolve around the funny things Shatner, as the dad, says, but he doesn't really say anything, other than use military phrases to refer to most situations, call his son girl names and use any excuse to shoe-horn a prostitute reference in (though he uses another word). He's an annoying old curmudgeon who comes across as stuck in his ways, unwiling to change and pathologically unable to take the blame for anything, including getting a guy fired --- twice!

Sorry, Bill: I loved you as Kirk, but you've had more than a fair chance here, and there's just no way I'm suffering through any more of this. Plus, you've been cancelled, so there's no chance for you to get better. Not that you were ever going to, from what I saw. Yeah, I know it's corner and very very predictable, but I'm going to say it anyway. Ready? Here I go: Beam me up!
Verdict:


Now THIS I like! Smart, good drama, lots of twists with interesting characters. Mostly. Now heading into its second season in the USA, I'm still catching up with season one, but I love the way this show goes. For any who haven't seen it, it's the tale of a man who was framed for a crime he didn't commit (yeah I know, original!) and whose daughter gets out of juvy after he dies. She then sets about taking revenge on everyone who was involved in the conspiracy that ended up sending her father to jail. Kind of a feeling of “Dangeous liaisons” or if you prefer “Cruel intentions” about it, but it's much more than that. I particularly like the opening quote, which is "If you plan to take revenge, first dig two graves". Very profound, and as the show has gone on it's become obvious that the lead character's quest for vengeance is going to cost her dearly. The high-flyers living in the Hamptons are a little hard to take --- like something out of one of those glossy American soaps of the eighties --- but if you don't take it too seriously it's good fun. It's certainly sucked me in.
Verdict:


I avoided this for a long time, thinking it probably wasn't any good. Just wasn't interested. Then one night as I was moving from one recorded programme to another, or something, I happened to catch a snippet of it on the telly. I had to admit, I liked what I saw, so hit “record” and then watched back later the about half of the show I got. I was impressed enough to record the full show the next time it was on, and am now becoming a fan.

Sort of a “Scrubs” or “Spaced” for the computer set, a comedy for and by geeks, “The IT crowd” focusses on three people who work in the IT department of a local firm, two guys and a girl. The guys are indeed geeks, and know everything there is to know about computers, whereas the girl, their boss, knows nothing about them at all and more or less fakes her way through the job, leaving all the actual work and decisions to the guys while still believing she is in charge. Add in a boss who thinks he's God's gift to women, and you have a pretty damn fine show. It's not excellent, it'll probably never be seen as a classic, but it's a great way to pass half an hour.

Here's an example of the kind of geek humour that's in it.

Verdict:




This has really hit the right note with me. I was always a big fan of folklore, mythology, fairy tales and so on, even moreso when they're given an updated, modern twist: think the likes of “Brimstone” (what?) or episodes of “The Twilight Zone” like “Ye gods!” The idea of transplanting old world ideas into the modern world can, if done well, be very effective. I had hoped that “Grimm” wasn't going to fall into the old traps here, and for the most part it hasn't. Not really surprising, as it's helmed by ex-”Angel” writer David Greenwalt, so you know the material is going to get the respect it deserves, while still having a healthy and appropriate sense of humour, and not take itself too seriously, which would definitely be a mistake.

Yeah, it has fallen a little into the old “monster-of-the-week” sequence, but even so it's very enjoyable, and the shining star in it for me is “Prison Break”'s Silas Weir Mitchell in the role of Monroe, the “big bad wolf” who is trying to go straight. I do wonder though how many different characters they can work with --- of what I've seen so far, we've had an ogre, three (little) pigs, three (not so little) bears, and, er, a bee-man (pretty sure the Grimms never wrote about one of those, but however...) --- and I know the Grimm Brothers wrote hundreds of fairy tales, but still. I'd also like to see more of an overall plot arc, though that may have started in the latest episode I watched.

Oh yeah: the premise. For any who don't know, the title character is a cop who it turns out is the last in a long line of Grimm family members, who can see people who are, well, not quite people. They have a sense for detecting when these creatures show themselves, usually when the creatures are agitated in some way, and they then hunt them. Well, not always. But sometimes. If they break the law. It's complicated, but quite a lot of fun.
Verdict:

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I got a bit sick, to be honest, of seeing ads for this show returning, and decided to check it out and see what all the fuss was about when one of the channels started it from the beginning. I really couldn't see what was likely to be so great about it, and once I had watched the first episode my mind had not changed. Okay, okay! I didn't finish the episode! But it had nothing to say to me. I found the title character annoyingly smug and condescending, and he wasn't the worst of them. In an era where we're all fighting for our economic survival, I found it aggravating to look at a show about people who spent money like it was water, and seemed to live the high life and not have a care in the world.

Sure, people like it, and it has a huge following, but then, so does “Gray's anatomy”, and you wouldn't catch me watching that! So I decided to delete all my episodes of it, but to add insult to injury, my Sky Plus box didn't understand, and instead deleted all the episodes I had up to then recorded of season two of “The Borgias”! God damn it, “Mad men”! You gave me another reason to hate you!
Verdict:

There have been those which have gone on the “delete” pile purely because they have been cancelled, after having built up a plot or story arc which I now know is not going to be resolved. It may seem shallow, but I'm tired of watching shows for a season to find out at the end that there's no payoff, and never will be: the show has been cancelled and the questions asked will never be answered. So when I find now that a show hasn't got a second season and ends on a cliffhanger or leaves important loose ends untied, I hit “delete” and it's gone. Sometimes, as in the case of the one below, without my even watching a single episode...


I really liked the premise of this show, that convicts who had “mysteriously disappeared” from the world's most secure prison come back forty years later, and there seems to be some sci-fi element to it. But sadly, even though it was one of JJ Abram's babies, “Alcatraz” has been cancelled, and so rather than get invested in it and be left hanging...
Verdict:


This I did enjoy, and was quite getting into, so I asked around, worried that it may have been cancelled, and ended badly. How right I (apparently) was: I was advised that the ending was pretty poor, I wouldn't enjoy it and that the show itself would not be returning for a second season. Sad really, as it was shaping up to be quite clever, sort of reminded me of “The Lost Room”, although at least that ended reasonably well.

The idea is that a number of people wake up one day in a strange place. They have no idea how they got there, or even where “there” is. Slowly they make contact with others in the group, and alliances form as suspicions grow. Cryptic messages are passed to some of them, telling them if they do something they can go free. Sort of variation on the idea of what depths will people sink to in order to secure their freedom? But as the plot thickened, the execs said no, and the series was pulled, so again, rather than go all that way for nothing, I hopped off the bus and hit the delete key, not without some sense of regret, as I think this could have been a very interesting show. But then, I don't run any TV networks. Yet.
Verdict:



And finally, it's good to relax with an old favourite, a classic. Yeah, ok, I didn't really watch it --- at all --- when it was on originally back in the 80s, but now it's being rescreened and I'm enjoying every minute of it. The great thing about “Minder” is that it's so un-PC. Everyone gets it, from gays to the Irish, Indians to blacks, jews to muslims. Nothing is sacred. Men are real men. Women are “skirt” or “birds”, and someone's always “ripe for a kickin'”, men aren't afraid to be “handy with their fists”, and there's a lot of football terminology. Back of the net! But it's all done in the best possible taste.

Well, no it's not, but you have to say it's not done to offend, and “Minder” is nothing if not a product of its times. With unemployment rampant throughout Britian in the 80s, strikes and riots all over the place, the police seen as the repressive tools of the government (so what else is new?), the writing on this show captures the spirit of the times, the resentment and anger of the populace, while at the same time lightening the darkness with some hard-nosed comedy and satire. Lovely! As Arthur would say, “A nice little earner.” Can't beat it son, can't beat it.
Verdict:

Well, that's as much as I've managed to get through in the last month or so. Hopefully next time round I'll have decided whether to keep such shows as “Unforgettable”, “Lost girl”, “Being human” “Sinbad”, “A touch of cloth”, “The newsroom” “Teen wolf” and “Good cop”. Stone me! I'd better get a move on! Where's me telly remote?

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Oh-oh! I'm in trouble! Boss says if I don't get the finger out and get my, er, stuff together this is going to be relegated to one post per month. I can see his point: it does say "Cheese of the week", and lord knows I've missed some deadlines, but hey, I'm a busy girl! Still, if I don't get off my ---perfectly formed! --- ass soon and make sure this is updated every week, you may find a change in the title to my only section. Hmm. Maybe I can get my nails done Thursdays, instead of....

Anyway, on, for the moment, with the show.

Is there such a thing as too much love? Look, we all love to be called a lady --- us girls that is. And maybe some of you guys. Hey, I don't know what you get up to behind closed doors! Don't wanna know, thanks very much. But seriously, telling someone they're a lady three times? Is that not a little over the top? Now, I've read the entry on this song and I see where the idea came from, but even so, once should be enough. That's not by any means the only problem I have with this song however.

Three times a lady (The Commodores) 1978


The whole premise of the song seems a little flawed to me. It opens, as we all know, with Lionel Richie singing to his lady, and thanking her for the love she's given him. Then he says they've reached the end of their rainbow. What does that mean? Is he about to break up with her? If so, why go on with the “once, twice, three times a lady” bit? Or is she dying? Is he just referring to a life lived together, the kids gone and they're left alone together? Or what the hell is he talking about? Never quite figured it out, me.

Either way, this was the song that rocketed the hitherto-unknown soul group to number one, and effectively launched the solo career of their vocalist and songwriter, who would go on to have a string of hits on his own, leaving the poor old Commodores behind, facing an odd dilemma: suddenly, after years of patient slog, they had hit the big time. But then, Richie leaves and no-one wants to know about the band left behind. It's Lionel all the way for the chart-record-buyers, and some probably even convince themselves that this song was a Lionel Richie solo. It certainly appears on his greatest hits albums. To be fair, the Commodores had a big hit single the year before this, and one or two after it, too, however once Richie left in 1982 they failed to hit the big time again, except just the once, with “Nightshift”, a sort of comeback single that really spelled the end of their chart career.

But this song is cheese personified. Sure, it's gone down as one of the best-loved and most-played ballads, and probably figures in many a wedding playlist, but it's sugar on top of sugar. It's got a nice arrangement, that's certainly true, and Richie was more than capable of writing a great love song. But personally I preferred “Easy”, or the simple beauty of “Still”.

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Welcome.... to the Meat Grinder! Bwahh ha hah hah!

I realised yesterday that one of the sites I use for research, Encyclopaedia Metallum, allows you to search for metal bands in various ways --- by genre, by title, by country, by A-Z --- but they also have something I never noticed before, which is “Random band”. Interesting, he thought, and so the idea for a new section was formed. Now, I have absolutely no doubt that a large percentage of these bands will not be to my liking, as there are a lot of sub-genres of metal I don't particularly get on well with, and everyone by now is familiar with my dislike of “death vocals”, so I know I will regret this in some ways, but here it is anyway.

The kinds of metal I hate? Well, let's see: if it's SO LOUD YOUR EARS BLEED, way too fast for anything to be discerned amid a mad cacophony of screeching and banging, if it has death vocals, if it's depressingly doomy, or if it's Venom. That mostly covers it. Doesn't leave much, you say? I beg to differ: there are hundreds of bands I enjoy, from Maiden and Helloween to Saxon and Scorpions, and from Saratoga to Cain's Dinasty. But I prefer to be able to hear and make out my music, and rather a lot of the more extreme metal tends not to allow this. Now, that being said, I'm also a fan --- not a big fan, only have two of their albums, but still a fan --- of one of the loudest bands on the planet. But Motorhead I consider to be really in a class of their own. However, here, anything goes (shudder)!

So, in the Meat Grinder I will randomly select a metal band, and regardless of what their style is I will attempt to review one of their albums, give a little background to them, and advise you of my opinion of them. This review will not be objective, but will depend entirely on how much enjoyment, or lack of, I got from the album/band. So death vocals, screaming, music too fast or indecipherably loud, or anything else I don't like will earn the band a low rating, even if they're highly thought of. So watch out if you come up, Slipknot or Dimmu Borgir! My opinion is of course only my opinion, but here in my journal that means it's law, so feel free to debate with me, but basically if I don't like it it's getting trashed.

That's not to say in any way that I reject or ignore the following a band has: if millions like them, great. But if I don't, then they won't do well here. Each album will be rated with my patented cleaver rating, which is very complicated and hard to understand, but I'll try and explain it here. Hmm, let's see. Okay. The less cleavers, the more I hate the band and/or album. So an album I hate utterly will have a rating of one or two cleavers, whereas a band I love will get the maximum five. Okay, so it's not that complicated or hard to understand. Cookies? Huh? Oh yeah: just like the Cookie ratings in “Bitesize”. Though you probably wouldn't want to try biting into a cleaver.

Anyway, deep breath and away we go. And the first band to stagger into the Meat Grinder and come under my unforgiving and critical microscope is...

Oh dear. I read the description on EM and my heart sinks. “Extreme, blackened thrash” --- and with a vocalist who goes by the name of Doomy G. Blackthrash (sounds like something out of “The Simpsons”!) my expectations just about hit the floor. But hey, this is what this section is all about, trying new things and not shying away from bands that would normally have me reaching for my Marillion collection to help me calm down. This will, I'm sure, be a painful ordeal, but really, if I ignored these guys and tried to get someone more in the vein of Hammerfall or Balance of Power then I'd just be making a mockery of the whole section, and denying its raison d'etre.

So, it's a baptism of fire ye want now, is it? Fair enough. Hold my jacket, I'm going in!

Hailing from East Lansing, Michigan, whose most famous landmark apparently is the Michigan State University, pictured, Sauron take their name of course from the “bad guy” in JRR Tolkien's “The Lord of the Rings”. Can we then hope for lyrics with a fantasy/sword-and-sorcery bent? Can we, not to be smart, expect lyrics we can hear and understand? Who knows, but looking at the beautiful grounds of MSU I can't help but feel that guys like Sauron would be turned away from its gates, perhaps chased away by nasty snarling dogs and cops with tasers. Yeah, they don't look the university type really. They seem to be most closely linked with the thrash metal bands so prevalent in Europe, particularly Germany.

So, some details then. Below is a sketchy profile of the band, mostly gleaned from my friends at Encyclopaedia Metallum --- okay, completely thanks to them! In the following, the term “Born” will always refer to the setting up of the band, no matter how long after that it took for them to release any material. Should the band be broken up, split, reformed into another band or otherwise not currently active under this name, I will also include a “Died” year. This does not of course necessarily mean they're no longer around, just not in this format. An “F” after a band member indicates they founded or helped found the band. As this is a totally random selection, it may become difficult, even impossible to find albums from the bands chosen, in which case I will have to judge them based on what I can find in terms of singles, liver performances, samples of tracks, YouTubes and so on. Where possible though I will always endeavour to feature an album or EP.


Band name: Sauron
Nationality: USA (Michigan)
Subgenre: Black/death metal (god save me!)
Born: 2000
Status: Active
Albums: Thrash assault (2004); Satanic Assassins (2008)
Live albums: None
Collections/Anthologies/Boxsets: None
Lineup: Doomy G. Blackthrash (Bass, vocals) F
Victor “Lore Lord” Ruiz (Guitar) F
Mike “Skinthrasher” Hudson (Drums)




In the case of our first random band, Sauron, it would appear that they only have two albums, so which to choose? Well, their most recent is called “Satanic assassins”, so no prizes for guessing what that's likely to sound like! Mind you, the other is called “Thrash assault”, so not really a lot to choose from. Yeah, maybe you're right: maybe I am doing them a disservice, prejudging them based on name, image, style ... but I somehow doubt they're going to be performing any classical violin pieces or have written any acoustic ballads. No, I'd be willing to stake a month's pay on that. If I got paid. Which I don't. But anyway...

If there's any blessing to be had (prejudge, prejudge!) here, it's that the albums, both of them, have only seven tracks each. No long songs, and not much to choose between them that I can see. For no other reason than that it's their latest offering, I've decided to go with “Satanic assassins”, though word has it that they're in the studio at the moment, hard at work on “Mordor: A metal symphony in four movements”.... sorry, sorry, slipped into an alternate dimension there just for a moment. Whoa! That was weird!

Anyway, this is the current offering from Sauron, and although it was released in 2008 there doesn't seem to be anything else forthcoming as yet. Their previous effort, and debut, was out in 2004 though, so that's four years between albums. Could be another one due! Looking over the tracklist I'm again not given to any real hope that this might turn out to be something other than what I'm expecting/dreading: “Lords of slaughter and warfare.” “Angel hunter”. “Thrash metal nightmare”. Yup, you can't beat the classics! Okay then, let's just inch the amp down a few notches, make sure I've a spare pair of knickers available and ....

Satanic assassins --- Sauron --- 2008 (Witches Brew)


Well, my fears appear not to be totally groundless, in fact the sort of sledgehammer guitar and what comes across to me as aimless thrashing behind the drumkit is bad enough, and serves to epitomise everything I hate about the more extreme types of metal, but those damnable death vocals are all over the place, and I find it hard to concentrate on the lyrics much less understand them. A word used by another journal writer here --- can't remember who --- tuneage, seems pretty much absent, and it's, to me, a race between guitarist and drummer to see who can finish first, while Mister Blackthrash roars away, seemingly oblivious to the guys behind him as the lovingly-titled “Poser holocaust” trundles along, opening the album. I guess Sauron would consider me one of the posers they --- presumably --- sing about, as I really hate this sort of music, but to be fair there is a very decent guitar solo from “Lore Lord” in the last minute or so, though it's really more like a word suddenly recognised among a garble of foreign language that just for a moment gives you the impression you might be able to understand what's going on, then everything again descends into chaos.

Yeah, not a fan of this at all --- big surprise! Next up is that sensitive ditty I mentioned earlier, and “Lords of slaughter and warfare” makes Motorhead seem slow and sedate by comparison. Speed metal this certainly is, thrash too, but again I find it hard to make any lyrics out through the gutteral vocals, which kind of destroys any chance I might have to judge this in any way fairly. That would be bad enough, but there's nothing much for me to say about the guitar other than that it's superfast, and the drums can only be described as an assault, so it's tough to take any real musical criticism from either, although as I write once again Victor Ruiz proves he can play when he wants to, and unleashes quite a fine solo, but it's quickly subsumed a second time into the wall of sound that passes for his usual axework, and while many of you will no doubt love this and headbang away to it, it's not my cup of venom, not at all.

And so it goes. “Storm of ashes” hacks its way blindly into the title track --- on which Blackthrash subjects me not only to his harsh deep vocal but also throws a few higher-register screams in there just to unnerve me further --- and on into “Possession”, complete with opening and suitably diabolical laugh, and I just wait for the album to come to an end. Yeah, it's not very open-minded of me, but hey, this isn't “Stranger in a strange land”: I'm not trying to understand, evaluate and even change my opinion of certain music genres or sub-genres. I've gone into this with my eyes (though perhaps not my ears) wide open, knowing there is a good chance that a large percentage of the bands here will not appeal to me, that I may hate many, and it may be a while before, if ever, I hit upon either one I like or one I know, or have heard of. But hey, it's a bit of fun, though try telling that to my poor ears! If you know/like this band, or any of the no doubt future objects of my derision or negative criticism, don't take offence, as I have explained already that my tastes in metal run to a certain type: music you can make out, that has melody, that doesn't make you want to run screaming for the exits, that displays what I consider a modicum of talent and ability. So I'm only judging these bands within those criteria. My criteria. I'm sure Sauron have legions of fans: I'm just not someone who could or would count myself as one of them.

All right, to be totally fair and equitable, “Angel hunter” changes the format slightly, with a more grindy, almost slower track which can't be really called a cruncher, as every track here crunches you up and spits you out, but it is, I don't know, not as breakneck fast as the rest of the album, though it does up the speed near the end, and we finish on the aply-titled (for me, at any rate!) “Thrash metal nightmare”, which is, well, fast noisy and very hard to understand. Kind of sums up the band really.

So, not going to become a Sauron fan anytime soon, or ever listen to one of their songs again: just not my thing. I'd like to say that for what they do they do it well, but I really can't. I don't know. Thrash metal and speed metal is not my thing, and I have no real yardstick to judge this against (and if I had these guys would probably only beat me with it anyway!) so I don't know if it's good thrash/black/death/speed metal or bad. I just know I don't like it, hence the rating below. Not exactly a stellar beginning, but then, as Stacey-Lynn once remarked, that's the nature of randomness. Perhaps I'll have better luck next time.

TRACKLISTING

1. Poser holocaust
2. Lords of slaughter and warfare
3. Storm of ashes
4. Satanic assassins
5. Possession
6. Angel hunter
7. Thrash metal nightmare

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X-Factor me arse! As part of a trial series called “Format farm” (possibly similar to when the BBC previewed several pilots and then based on audience reaction either dropped the shows or commissioned a full series) RTE (national Irish TV channel) finally got it right with their show “The Hit”, the premise of which is that eight songwriters are chosen, each put into a room and then two singers visit each room, listening to their songs in the hopes of paring them down to two each, from which they will select the song they will record as their new single, and with which they hope to have, well, a hit. Without going too much into the workings of the show (it's not that complicated but you can probably give a good guess as to how it goes), the difference with this show is that there is no panel of judges --- the only judges are the two singers --- no votes, no long-drawn-out pauses as people discover their fate, and no sob stories. Well, okay, most of them are desperate to break into the big time and have a tale to tell, but it seems a lot more genuine than the tripe some of the reality show contestants or hopefuls come out with.

The best thing, though, is that this isn't “boot camp”. No-one tries to make the songs better or the songwriters more appealing. They come as they are, keyboard or guitar in hand, and play a bit of their song for each singer. If he likes it, he may stay or he may go in a few seconds, though even then that's not necessarily indicative of disinterest: he night have decided right away that he likes the song. Anyway, in the end we're down to four songs, four songwriters with each singer having picked two songs. These songs are then worked on by the singer and/or band, refined and honed, with the songwriters present and taking part in all/most decisions, and eventually one of the two is chosen by the singer as their next single.

One thing the show does, or did, is demonstrate the wealth of talent that is out there in Ireland these days. Even for those who were not picked, the national television exposure has to be good for them, so there are probably not really any losers. My only gripe is that this show seems to have been a one-off, and I think it would itself be a hit if it were to get a full series, but that's down to RTE and the programme makers I guess. I'm hopeful we may see it again though.

For now, below are the two songs that did eventually win and became singles, and hopefully hits. Brian McFadden, ex Westlife of course, chose a song called “Invisible”, by two young and talented songwriters called Ian Colgan and Shane Butler. Yeah, it's derivative pop, nothing groundbreaking, but it has the commercial appeal and hookiness to get the guy a hit, and hopefully open the door for these two young fellas.


The other song was penned by two lads also, but despite a lot of searching I can only find them referred to as Ed and Stephen. Their song “Sidelines” was chosen as the new single for Royseven by their vocalist Paul Walsh. As of today, it's the number one download on itunes. Not bad.

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Yes, I'll come clean. There's only one reason I was attracted to this album, and you're looking at it if you view the cover. Man she's hot! But after my stupid male testosterone had had a chance to calm down and I started listening to the music, I found I was glad I had bought this, no matter the initial reason. I know absolutely sod-all about Japanese artistes: ask me to name one and I could maybe do you Vow Wow (old metal band) but that would be about it. David Sylvian's lot? Nah, they were just called Japan, weren't they? See how little I know? It's never been a country whose music --- metal or otherwise --- I've actively explored, and in fairness it's not one that tends to spill out into the mainstream of even whatever genre you're interested in. Prog rock? Gazpacho are from Norway, and yet I know little Norwegian music. Metal? Tyr are from the Faroe Islands and I know absolutely nothing else about them (though for a good idea check out Geekoid's journal). But there are many countries whose music I don't find myself exposed to, and unless I go seeking it out it usually doesn't come my way.

So stumbling across this little gem is fortune indeed, because it's probably the album that I would find the hardest to tie down in terms of style or even genre, with everything from metal to pop to classical to jazz to punk seeming to populate its surface, and the singer in question equally at home, it would appear, in any of these genres, and many more besides.

Re;Story --- Eri Kitamura --- 2012 (King)

Although she is apparently very well known both as an actress in anime series in her native country and as a contributor to soundtracks, this seems to be Eri Kitamura's first actual album, so essentially a debut from a lady who has been making music and acting since 2003. Only twenty-five years old, she already has a very impressive portfolio of work behind her, and looks to be a big star in Japan. I of course have never heard of her --- I'm no fan of anime and I know little, as I already pointed out, of the music scene in Japan: well, all right, I know nothing about it. I'm not even sure if I'm causing offence by referring to her as Eri, as some sites have her named as Kitamura Eri, and I know there are cultures where what we would see as the surname is more important, and used as we would a Christian or first name, but as I'm not sure I'm going to trust my own experience and go with calling her Eri.

Anyway, enough about her name. On with the album, yes? It opens on beautiful piano and strings, then hard guitar and faster synth plus violins crash in and the song becomes basically a heavy metal one, with screeching guitar and thundering drums, rocking along at power-metal speed, Eri's vocal a little further down in the mix than I would prefer, but you can still make her out. Of course, she's singing in Japanese (I assume) so I can't tell you what the song is about, but as I pointed out before, this often doesn't matter, and here the music is good enough to carry the song on its own, regardless of actual lyrics. It is in fact the title track that opens the album, but what it means, even in English, I don't know. She has a really good backing band though, especially whoever is on the guitar --- sorry, but as you might expect, details on the album are hard to come by.

Second track, “Veronica” is, if it's possible, faster and harder, almost punk/thrash metal, and in fact on this Eri sings in English, though again it's a little hard to hear her above the cacophony the band create; perhaps the production should be looked at? A good headbanging track though, and not really the sort of thing you would expect from the innocent-looking young girl who smiles out at you from the album cover! Some more great guitar solos, and you can almost hear Eri start to sort out her own sound, then “Shirushi” has a very pop sound about it, with digital piano and some nice synths, definitely easing off on the pedal, still fast but not breakneck speed like the first two tracks. This one, I think, is sung in Japanese, but you can get a much better feel for Eri's voice: it's not swallowed in banks of keyboards and walls of guitars here. There's even a flute in there somewhere! The more poppy nature of the song though doesn't stop our friend on the guitar from racking off a solo!

Nice jangly, “Edge”-style guitar opening to “Ashiato”, which I'm assuming will also be sung in Japanese. Yeah, sounds like it. Another more commercial sounding track, not anywhere as heavy or fast as the first two, but kind of verging towards what might be described as Japanese AOR, with a lot of keyboards in the mix and again Eri's vocal much more discernible. “Alive” then opens as a sort of 80s-style pop ballad but kicks into higher gear with some pretty punishing guitar work, and despite the English title it appears to be sung in Japanese. I say “appears” because most of the time Eri Kitamura sings so fast it's a little hard to follow what she's singing, even if it's in your own language!

I'd imagine “Alive” will do well on Japanese radio, as it's very catchy, with a big keyboard and strings sound and that snarling guitar adding just the right amount of dirty grind to lift the song above ordinary pop songs. At any rate, the next one up --- and in fact, all the remaining tracks --- has an English title, but “Baby butterfly” moves along on a brassy line with a kind of thirties swing/jazz melody, which reminds me of Matt Bianco or maybe Madonna's “Hanky panky”: very danceable for sure and again I'd say would make waves on the radio, while “Love and hate” just, well, defies categorisation really. Big, bold, fast and heavy with some crazy sounds, it sort of heads back to the frenetic style of the first two tracks, grabbing some of Evanescence on the way, bludgeoning its way past but in a good way.

Things stay fast and powerful for “Brand new blood”, and the resemblance to bands like Evanescence is growing, which is not to say that Kitamura's music mirrors or copies theirs (which is not that original anyway) but I do hear parallels between the two. To be fair to her, even with the now pretty loud backing of the band I can now hear Eri singing, so there's a big improvement, vocal or production-wise, from the first two tracks where I could barely make her out at all. Another great guitar solo, then a lovely little soft piano piece during which you can really hear how good her voice is, then they're off and running again to the frantic end, taking us to “Be starters!” on which I have to say she sounds about eight years old, and it's a very pop-oriented song (though our guy on guitar seems to have other ideas!) and probably the lightest thing on the album so far. Don't really like this, to be honest. Apparently they love it in Japan though...

Much better is “My way”, a good hard-rockin' version of the Sinatra classic --- only joking. It's an original song, a good fast rocker with a ton of energy and some very AOR keyboards, the obligatory guitar solo and a great vocal. In total contrast is another pop song, the aptly and vacuously-titled “Happy girl”, which again has her sounding like a demented Japanese smurf or a kid of eight; it's almost like a pastiche, a parody, but again apparently it's one of her bigger hit singles back home. Who can tell what people like? Does nothing for me, empty by-the-numbers pop. Wonder what the mad guitarist thought of this one? I'll be honest: had I heard only this track from Eri Kitamura I would have written her off as another empty-headed pop diva, albeit a Japanese one.

That would have been a mistake though, of course. We've already seen how versatile her musical talent is, the breadth of the genres she crosses, and here in “My singing” she takes on an almost acoustic folk rock song, alt-rock, indie, call it what you will: it's jangly, it's uptempo, it's fun and very commercial but without the annoying high-pitched, sped-up voice of “Happy girl” or “Be starters!” then closer “Be a diamond” is a great little uptempo rocker, with some happy brass and some great guitar, energy to spare and a great hook.

Like I said at the start, it's hard, almost impossible to categorise this album, or Eri Kitamura's style. I'm not even sure if I'd listen to this album again, but in a way that's not what's important. Up to now, I had heard just about no music from Japan, so it's refreshing to hear that they have some artistes who can compete with the best the west has to offer. I'm not certain Eri will ever make the crossover to this side, mainly due to singing in her own language, but others have taken that hurdle, so who is to say?

For now, I would just categorise this as a very strong debut album, and urge you to perhaps give it a listen. Who knows? She may be one of the stars of the future, and you can say you heard her first album before most people here in the west!

TRACKLISTING
1. Re;story
2. Veronica
3. Shirushi
4. Ashiato
5. Alive
6. Baby butterfly
7. Love and hate
8. Brand new blood
9. Be starters!
10. My way
11. Happy girl
12. My singing
13. Be a diamond

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Before the break...

GAAAAHHH! I am so SICK of living in a world that caters to the “new customer” leaving the “old customer” hanging! I'm not necessarily talking about the banks (though I'll come back to them): what really fries me these days is the recap on just about every documentary these days, often following every ad break. They tell you what just happened, bringing anyone up to speed who may just be tuning in. So you get something like “Over the Indian Ocean, Lufthansa flight 133 is in trouble!” This is something you've just watched, there's been a break, and when they come back you hear this. Yes, I know: I've been watching it! Next break, same thing with a little bit more added in, to cover what happened in the part since the previous break: “Lufthansa 133, an A300 flying from Frankfurt to Singapore, has developed mechanical problems in one engine. Now the second is stuttering. Captain Gunther Heinz has decided to send out a mayday”.

What annoys me about these recaps is, well, several things. Firstly, they take time away from the actual story: yes it's only seconds but add in the time for the “coming up” (another hate of mine) section, the ads and the credits and you must be losing a good 20% of the show. But not only that, they also presuppose that someone is coming into the show halfway. Few people do; if you see something that's already started you have three choices these days: record it or look for it on a “plus one” channel so you get the start, leave it or sit down and watch it. If you choose the last option you should be intelligent enough to be able to pick up what's going on. I mean, who really asks “Why is that plane in trouble? What happened to the engine? Where are they now?” Christ, just pay attention to the programme and you'll pick it up. You shouldn't need someone spoonfeeding you the “here's what happened before you came in” bit, for two reasons: A you're (hopefully) a reasonable human being who can work the premise out for yourself and B you couldn't be bothered to get the start of the programme, so why should you be specially catered to now that it's half over?

It's similar, and just as stupid, as someone walking in halfway through a film at the cinema and expecting them to run a voiceover telling them what they missed. They're not going to do that: you want to see the movie in its entireity, turn up for the beginning. If you arrive late for a wedding, are they going to rerun it for you, or tell you what you missed? And if you walk into a gig halfway through the set, are the band going to replay for you what went on in the first half? If you want to see something from the beginning, it's up to you to be there. If there's a show you want to see, or think you might enjoy, make your arrangements. There's really no excuse these days, with Sky Plus, TiVO, internet TV, torrents and live pause: it's actually harder to miss something than it is to see it. Chances are, with digital TV the way it is today, it'll be repeated anyway, either later that day or in a few days. So you really have very little chance of missing anything.

Yet those of us who are actually interested in the programme, as opposed to flitting like demented humming-birds from channel to channel in search of something they might like, have to constantly suffer these “before the break” recaps, and I've lost count of the amount of times I've growled at the telly “I KNOW! I Know! I've been sitting here ****ing watching it! What are you telling me for?” I find it very frustrating, and something of an insult to me as a regular or at least interested/invested viewer. I've taken the time to sit down and watch this, but someone who hasn't is being prioritised over me. Of course, the channels want to pull in the new viewer, the casual viewer, in the hope presumably that they'll get interested and watch the programme again, but that's unlikely to happen in most cases. If people are that flighty that they'll just zip around watching bits of programmes, there's no guarantee they'll come back to it. But I will. I enjoy this show, so why not treat ME as the important viewer, instead of Mr or Miss Humming Bird?

Which of course leads us to the banks, Sky, Insurance companies, anyone who wants your business. It constantly annoys me that new offers, special deals etc are only ever aimed at new customers. You could be twenty years with a bank, an insurer, whoever, and yet you won't be able to avail of the “great new offer” they're doing, as it “applies to new customers only”. What does that say about the loyal, longtime customers? We know we have YOU, we don't care about YOU, YOU're going nowhere! But we want THIS GUY! Well, thanks a lot, that really makes me feel special.

Finally, it also drives me mad when on the likes of “The Apprentice” (one of the few reality shows I watch), they're given a task, and then all through the show they constantly tell the camera what that task is! “Our task this week was to sell burgers.” I KNOW! I saw Trump/Sugar tell you! I saw the start of the show! I've been watching. Stop telling me what your task is! I KNOW WHAT IT IS!"

Oh yeah, and don't even get me started on “Coming up” or “Next time” --- rants for another edition!
I just wish TV producers would credit us with a little more intelligence, and concentrate on those of us who are watching their show, who don't have to be enticed or coddled into watching it, and who are able to use our brains to work out what's going on without endless and pointless voiceovers. But I suppose that's asking too much, isn't it?

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